Wash your hands, don’t touch your face,
Don’t cough or sneeze in another’s space;
Use soap and water for at least twenty seconds,
It’s clods like you that unleashed this, I reckon;
Not too close — what the hell — you
Could be Al-Qaeda or a sleeper cell;
Stay at home, and don’t go out — it would
Seem that Russian agents like to pout;
Behold the sobbing nurses without masks,
We spent that money on bombs, a pleasant task;
Wipe down that grocery cart — do you really
Need so many carrots for your heart?
The milks have expired, stop complaining;
When you’re no more, on us will gold be raining;
The rent is due, and it mustn’t be late,
You have no income, but that’s your fate;
Dread marauder, sweet plague take flight,
As we cull surfeit souls in the harrowing night.