Birthers Bashing Babies

Every week when I sit down to this computer, I tell myself I am not going to simply write another column that merely belittles and lampoons poor put-upon Republicans. Every week I remind myself that there are numerous Dems who consistently disappoint. It’s true. Though, in most cases, it’s because they are acting too much like Republicans; for example, Max Baucus of Montana, Chuck Schumer of New York, or Ben Nelson of Nebraska, and, of course, Harry Reid: sell-outs one and all.

I’m no fan of Nancy Pelosi either. Take Impeachment off the table and keep the war going after we got you guys elected precisely to solve those disasters? Oh girl, it’s on! Owned by the same people who bought the GOP leadership years back, Pelosi sold herself out as a silent supporter of torture as a member of the “gang of 8,” in 2003 when Congress was debriefed on the coming atrocities in our good name. In fact, I opposed Pelosi so much back in ’08 I even did long distance campaigning for Cindy Sheehan when she challenged the queen of the torture enablers for Cali’s District 8. From where I stand, there’s little difference between her and Michelle Bachman besides the quality of their facelifts.

All those Blue Dog Democrats ought to have their noses rubbed in the messes they made by crapping all over the American public so they could be corporate curs for Insurance industry donation dollars during the health care debate. And don’t even get me started on the Republican-Appeaser-in Chief, Obama himself. The GOP may not be able to find a birth certificate for him that satisfies them; but these days it seems if they dug deep enough they  might find an old RNC membership card of his. So, you see, I’ve got plenty of material on Dems; but on the same week we sent our baby girl off to college and my daughter-in-law brought our baby grandson into this world, I read about birthers bashing babies and it was “game over people” — right wing raging racism trumps left-wing limpness every time.

You’ve heard about the attack of the “terror babies,” right? Oh, they are WAY scarier than anchor babies ever thought about being. You may have even seen that, on successive nights in the recent news cycle, Anderson Cooper and staff had to do battle with successive, progressively deranged terror baby obsessed Texas legislators who were making bug-eyed little chicken claims that Terror Babies were the new Red Menace. Despite the fact that GOP Congressman Louie Gohmert’s argument of credibility was rapidly reduced down to petulantly repeatedly bleating “you can’t say that it couldn’t happen.” And State Representative Debbie Riddle’s behavior was so ugly she makes Jan Brewer look good.

Now that’s the “good news” part: these people got thoroughly and absolutely debunked for the whole world to see. The bad news is despite having the whole assertion of terror babies quickly reduced to international laughing stock, the Texas legislators and their rapidly growing flock have continued to chant: “Beware of the Terror Babies”!

So what IS a terror baby? Why only the most brilliant right-wing Obama deception yet, that’s what. Supposedly all the rage in the right-wing psycho circles, this one is the über-theory that neatly ties together several strands of tea party delusion into one handy carrying case.  The latest brainwash from the right-wing spin cycle goes like this:

Terrorists are smuggling pregnant illegal aliens into the country to have babies who would then be US citizens, which, as infants, would then be spirited back to some terrorism sponsoring host country, to secret Madrasas to be trained in murder, mayhem, and advanced America-hating. Then, as a teen, they would be replanted in the US to quietly wait, expecting to someday serve as a sleeper cell unit which would strike 20-30 years later  because … Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on. I may be guessing on the exact details of that last part; but I’m sure that mantra ties in there at some point. By now hasn’t that become the standard GOP signature conclusion for any talking point?

Try it yourself. “Because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on.” It’s the answer for everything these days, the reason for any problem if you ask a Republican. You know it, you’ve heard them say it. The GOP will tell you, “it’s wrong to try to curb Wall Street from buying and selling our nation’s very soul” … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on. Or, “global warming is a hoax” … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on. “BP shouldn’t be required to finish paying for the Gulf Coast clean-up” … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on. Or the latest disgust brought back for a second ugly aftertaste of corruption: “Pat Tillman was murdered by his own men and the Army not only covered it up and lied it into a sleazy piece of slipshod right-wing religious  propaganda, and everyone, all the way up to Rumsfeld at least, knew what was going on but they all kept it secret from the American public and keep keeping it a secret still ” … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on.

I know you get the picture because it is the one they show on the news every day.

These days, it almost even makes the whole idea of terror babies seem … no, it doesn’t, terror babies is still stupid. As if that wasn’t ludicrous enough, we now have to envision the image of  thousands of tiny James Bonds in pull-ups getting their bottles shaken not stirred… because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on.

Of course, Gohmert et al., insist they heard about terror babies from “credible” retired FBI agents, even as the active incredulous FBI spokespeople are frantically working to discredit the allegation that such a thing as terror babies could even exist and/or that the FBI has ever investigated, or currently intends to investigate, terror babies of any sort or fashion.  And while this sounds like an idea for a sequel George Romero couldn’t even get produced, the rapid spread of the myth of the terror baby is an ugly harbinger of crap to come.

Seriously, terror babies, while no more based on facts than most of the GOP prevarications, are the most ingenious explanation of the reasons that  “Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on,” yet devised, even if it is the most outlandishly baseless. This is more than just another variation on the crazed illegal immigrant/Willie Horton-style boogeyman, more than just the basic birther conspiracy on steroids … and meth, PCP, XTC, 10 cups of coffee, and airplane glue. More even than the incestuous spawn of such an unholy mating of the birther myth AND immigrant myth. This explains everything: I mean, after all, who is the original terror baby according to the above description?

Why, of course, it’s Obama himself! Whom the GOP have been hating since the day he was born, like they intend to do with terror babies. Speaking of birthers, this recent news cycle also brought us the Bronze Star Birther, Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin, a multi-decorated soon-to-retire sawbones  who is no less than “the chief of primary care at the Army’s DiLorenzo TRICARE Health Clinic at the Pentagon.”  

Lakin is refusing to take his assigned rotation to the front … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on + an illegal alien with no birth certificate. Never mind the fact that when someone says  they won’t go to war because it is “morally wrong” and based on falsified claims which exploits our citizenry, savages our international credibility and endangers our citizens around the world, those reasons are the reasons of a coward. Say you won’t go to war because you don’t like your boss, they call you a hero. This guy Lakin was a lifer and ready to risk the “distasteful choice” of court martial rather than take orders from a foreigner, an immigrant.

No wonder Republicans want to get tough on those demon terror babies. They mean to show us all and especially those babies who is the boss. But as Illinois Dem Congressman, Luis Gutierrez, recently challenged, targeting pregnant “immigrant looking” women will cause them to shrink away from the medical care they probably need at the time of delivery. Some of those babies will die, either from mothers avoiding the medical la migra, some will die because of it. These are babies, not bombs. And so like Luis, I,  too have to ask of the “Party of No: “Where is your love of children now?”

Thought it was “a child not a choice. “

Or is it only the unborn life of an American child that matters? Other ones aren’t really lives worth caring about? Which is why we can casually bomb the crap out of babies overseas. And these babies, smuggled like balloons of poison hidden inside women, bred to be props of American hating Islamists, they are no different than the duct taped dynamite vests jihadists  wear. They must be eradicated.

Right to life? Or only the right to be hated for having one?

So if the GOP truly says no unborn children of undocumented parents are allowed to be born on US soil, what measures do they intend that can be taken to prevent it? What is it that the GOP suggests when it comes to parsing the finer points of targeting children? Are they talking Abortion? As the Virginia drunk-driver case of  illegal alien, Carlos Martinelly Montano, from Bolivia demonstrates, as so many immigrant haters have made clear, it can take up to two years to deport someone. How are you going to stop that baby from being born? You can’t just say, “Hey, put that back!” once junior crowns. And further, if human life actually begins at the melding of DNA (as the Minnesota GOP state platform recently declared), then the religious right will have to acknowledge the rights of undocumented zygotes the instant they pass onto US soil, even though the fetuses in question would technically be “wet foot” till their water breaks. 

Thus they have to have to revoke the 14th Amendment … because Obama is the secret Muslim-Commie socialist and so on. I surely do not look forward to finding  out where this storyline is leading. But I have a queasy suspicion we’re going to find out.

Mikel Weisser teaches social studies and poetry on the left coast of Arizona. He can be reached at Read other articles by Mikel.