I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Speaking at what the White House described as a “conference on American history,” Trump said that he plans to sign an executive order soon to create a “national commission to support patriotic education” called the 1776 Commission and that he is directing funding to create a patriotic curriculum for schools. “Our youth will be taught to love America with all of their heart and all of their souls,” Trump said.
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“So, Mr. President, can you tell us a little bit more about the commission’s plan – I think it’s been referred to as the “Restore American Patriotic Education” plan?”
“I can’t understand what you’re saying – and my hearing is excellent by the way – so can you just pull that thing away from your mouth? Okay, what I’m going to do is establish a commission; a commission to support patriotic education. It will be called the 1776 Commission, because that’s the year when American history and patriotism all began. The two began together you see; America and patriotism, the two were together from the start, and it was a wonderful thing, but you know my predecessor — actually I have more than one predecessor, I have a lot of them — they all neglected the role of patriotism in making America great; they didn’t honor the truth and beauty of it. They let patriotism rot away, all of them did, especially the last one, but I’m going to bring it back; I’m going to bring it back in a big way, and the right way, too. Americans, real Americans, will be proud to be proud again; proud to be Americans; proud to be true patriots — and I don’t mean in just football, I mean in everything.”
“How will you do that, Mr. President?”
“Like I just said, I’ll do it through education. China already does it by the way, they’ve been doing it for a long time, and they’re very good at it, even better than Russia. Russia has strong leaders, but they don’t teach patriotism very well, so they do other things to make up for it. Now in China, they have both; they have strong leaders and they have patriotism. They educate their people to be patriots — all of them, from very early on — even the ones they don’t like. Some say it works better; that education, or re-education as they sometimes call it, works a lot better than what the Russians do. Now it may be that novichok works just fine too, especially with adults, but if you start teaching patriotism early like the Chinese do, then maybe you don’t need the novichok anymore, so we’ll be taking a look at that; could be yes; could be no. And they say learning patriotism is a lot like riding a bicycle; if you learn to ride it early, you never forget it; and by the way, everyone in China rides a bicycle — so maybe I’ll have the Commission look into that too. Anyhow, the Chinese leaders have been educating their people very richly for years, and now the whole country is full of patriots. They’re so patriotic; they actually try to out-patriot one another, it’s almost like sport there — they don’t have American football, you know.
Anyhow, it’s really quite beautiful the way it works; it really is, and it all runs smoothly too. Governing is a lot easier there because they teach patriotism practically from birth; and the people love it; they love their country, and they love their leaders. And you know, the Koreans, the ones up in the North; they’re patriotic, too. Their government teaches it just like they do in China. Have you ever seen them marching? They make those wonderful high steps; you know where they don’t bend their knees — just like the Germans did when they were a powerful country. Now some say he went a little too far, but they had a strong leader back then; he was a man by the way, and he taught patriotism in a big way and the German people loved it. But anyway, the Koreans; they march without even looking. They march in lock-step, gazing off to the right, trying to catch the eye of their beloved leader; and they do, they actually do love him and you can see how they feel so patriotic. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, and there’s no reason why we can’t be like that here; no reason at all why we can’t learn to love our country and our leader just as much or even more than they do.
“But how would we do that?”
Like I said, we teach it through EDUCATION. It has to start early, like in Pre-K. It will begin with The Pledge of Allegiance. The kids have to learn it when they’re young. It’s pretty long, almost two lines you know; if you don’t get it down early, it’s easy to flub as an adult, especially if you’re older. So, it will be taught early, it will be taught often; and not just in grade school. There’s no reason to not say it in high school and even in college, maybe especially in college. That’s where most of the unpatriotic stuff starts, you know, and to tell you the truth, many are saying it shouldn’t even stop there. We should all of us, every one of us, start our day with the Pledge. In the factory, in the office, on the golf course, and even on the farm, there’s no reason we can’t all hang a flag and start the day patriotically. Many of my farmers already have them; they have the flag. I know a farmer in Iowa — Iowa is a beautiful state — I have a farmer there who has a flag, a huge flag, hanging from a beam in his barn and he stands before it and makes the Pledge every morning before milking the cows. He says the cows give more milk that way too. What he does is wonderful; patriotism is a beautiful thing and we should all do it every day: we should pledge allegiance to the flag under God, the invisible.”
“I think it might be, ‘under God, indivisible,’ Mr. President, but go ahead.”
“That’s what I said. Our children will be taught the ‘one nation under God’ thing — ‘Under God’ is the important part. It doesn’t really matter if he’s visible or not. I’ll be there leading the country, but God will be with me. Our nation will always be under God. I’ll be the driver, but one of our Gods will always be with me, right there next to me, riding shot-gun, as I like to say”
“Did you say one of the Gods, sir?”
“Yes, there’re three of them you know. There’s the old guy; the one they call Father, there’s the kid; the one they call Jesus, and then there’s that invisible one; the one we don’t have pictures of — they call him The Holy Ghost. Anyway, one of them will always be riding with me, even if you can’t see which one. God will be like my GPS system, only better. I’ll tell him where I want to go, and he’ll give me the best way to get there, every time — and like I said, he’ll be riding shot-gun, so you know I’ll always get there.”
“Mr. President, isn’t it supposed to be one God, like a ‘three in one’ kind of thing?”
“That’s what I just said; three together, just like The Three Corinthians: all for one, and one for all.”
“Actually, I think there were two Corinthians, Mr. President.”
“Well, some say two, some say three — could be either; we’ll see. Anyway, it is what it is; so we have the three-in-one God helping me run our great nation. It’s the best one, too, by the way. A lot of the Middle East countries only have two out of the three, but we have all three, and we have oil too; so we have more oil and more God than the whole Middle East. And you know China; China doesn’t have either one. They don’t have oil and they don’t have God – if they want either one, they have to import it. But like I said, we have both; more God and more oil than anyone; way more than we can actually use, so we can export both if we want to (which nobody gives me credit for, by the way). All China really has is the patriotism thing. With the Commission I’m putting together, we’ll soon be getting that too; patriotism in a big way. So it will be oil, patriotism, and God working for us – and it will be the three in one God thing working for me, not just the two, and like I used to say to my people at The Taj Mahal, three of a kind always beats two. So, we have all three of them working for us — and by the way, did you ever look close at the word US? If you take it apart and look, it’s like just two letters: U and S — does it remind you of something? Okay, picture it with dots; now can you see it? It’s the initials for the United States. I think it means something: God is working for US: the United States of America. It’s true; you can see it if you take the time to look. It’s all out there, and you don’t have to just take my word for it either; go look for yourself; investigate.”
“Sir, getting back to your 1776 Commission; will there be more to it than The Pledge of Allegiance?”
“That’s just the start, obviously. Once the Commission gets up and running, we’ll work out the details.”
“Do you have any idea who will staff it?”
“Some obvious names come to mind. Of Course, Betsy DeVos will be there. She’s in charge of education already, and she knows the American Way better than anyone. But we’ll be looking at a lot of names, and we’ll be looking at a lot of history. We’ll be looking at schools and how the liberal elites have snuck in and changed history; how they’ve made our children unhappy and cynical; how they’ve misrepresented our beautiful country — and we’re going to go in and fix all that. We’ll make our children proud again; proud, happy, and patriotic like the children in China; we’ll make our whole country proud and patriotic; I’ll make America great again, and with the Three Amigo’s by my side, I’ll keep it that way, too.”
“Do you have anything else, sir?”
“Let me say it one more time: it’s all about patriotism; patriotism under God and strong leadership. The Russians have great leadership, but they don’t have much God and they don’t have much patriotism. The Chinese have strong leaders and lots of patriotism, but they don’t have a God; not even one. America is the only one that will have it all. We already have strong leadership (which nobody gives me credit for, by the way), we have the three Gods, and once the 1776 Commission gets rolled out, our patriotism will be strong again; the likes of which the world has never seen. Put it all together: God, strong leadership, and patriotism. It’s pretty much unstoppable; it’s like the having the most powerful weapon in the world — which we also have by the way, we have huge weapons; stuff you haven’t seen or even heard about. What we have is incredible.”
“Thank you, Mr. President. I’m sure there’s no need to fear.”