We shake hands and sit.
The desk squats between
us. My back is straight
despite two herniated
disks, the lower spine
on fire. I hide the pain
in what I hope is
an affable smile.
He offers details
of the job, a low-
paying thing
I need badly
and I nod
enthusiastically,
when I think it’s
appropriate, when I
think he expects me to,
though my knee throbs
like a drum, still not right
from the scope a month
before. Sweat dampens
the collar, the waistband.
My ears ring louder than
usual. I’m drifting.
Something I do more
with each passing year
(I’m in my mid-sixties).
I yell at my brain to stop,
to focus! That’s better.
He’s not a bad guy,
I could work for him.
I shift my body slightly,
cross my legs
at the next question,
trying to avert attention
from the mounting
discomfort. Then
the arthritis flares
in hands and hips.
But I ignore it,
casually answering
a question, something
about past experience.
It’s going well, I can
tell. But then the other
thing happens, the thing
with words getting
mixed up, slowed down,
misplaced. I recover
quickly, correcting
instantly but it’s too
little too late: he’d
noticed the sentence
veering off into gibberish.
I make a lighthearted
comment about being
tongue-tied but his
brow furrows. He
pretends everything’s
okay but I’m not fooled.
My right hand shakes,
I slip it into a pocket.
He stands and says,
Thanks for coming in.
I sigh and force a smile.
No more faking it,
I rise slowly, in stages,
finally upright. He says,
Are you all right?