It’s been a while since we performed together.
How have you been, Dummy? I didn’t miss you
Although I’m proud I made you so well
On my lathe of lies. Still, those bright red ties
And that phony hair gives me creator’s remorse,
And yet it falls to me, a czar in all but name,
To talk to a dummy as if to a friend.
The archbishop should bless me against contagion
From your cosmic stupidity. Dummy,
You give the term “useful idiot” a bad name.
This time around we must be more effective.
You didn’t crash America’s economy
As I wished, and the hate you’ve engendered
Hasn’t created enough chaos and fear.
I hope you’ll do better this time. You must
Hand over America’s secrets, its
Technology, whatever I want. No one
Will stand in your way, just throw them some bucks.
I don’t mean to preach, but exceptional
Applies only to America’s greed.
Now repeat after me: Putin is brilliant,
A strong leader whose enemies fall
Out of windows at an alarming rate
Or die from eating radioactive soup.
I admire how he governs his land
And makes acquisitions that are always just.
Can you remember that, Blockhead, Numbskull?
You should lead as I lead. I’m the conductor.
Pay attention. When America succumbs
They’ll say I conquered without firing a shot.