Every morning
Delivered digitally to
My deluxe telephone
I receive a comprehensive list
Of that day’s words I must not say
That day’s public figures
I must not criticize
That day’s ideas
I must not entertain
That day’s thoughts
I must not think.
I am grateful for living
In an era when such communications
Are accomplished quickly
And easily
So that I do not fall behind
Or make an unwitting error
In what political positions
I espouse
In what ideologies
And philosophies
I base my opinions upon
What candidates I root for
What comedians
I laugh at.
I know people
Who still think for themselves
Who hold contrarian views
Who speak out against
The official line.
They were my friends
But are no longer.
I abhor their heterodoxy
I condemn
Their dangerous ideas.
We must round them up
We must punish them
We must take our country back
From dissenters
And no-talent late-night talk show jabberers
And left-leaning vaccinators
And DEI dummies
And job-stealing immigrants
And Jewish antisemites
And researchers on the dole
And public media
And lgbtqi perverts
And any others we suspect of
Treacherous cogitations.
We must unite behind
Our very intelligent,
Actually the most intelligent ever
Including Abraham Lincoln,
Extremely high-IQ chief executive,
We must all be of one mind
In the same ballpark
On the same page
Polishing the American apple
With the same patriotic rag
Until we make the fatherland
Shiny again.
