(To the Tune of “If I Only Had a Brain”)
I could while away the hours
Asserting made-up powers,
Inflicting savage pain,
And my balls I’d be scratching
While my evil thoughts are hatching,
Nothing left will be the same.
I’d be the only law and order,
My face on every quarter,
Enemies to the flame!
With the thoughts I’d be thinking
You’d attest I’d been drinking
Or was totally insane.
Oh, I’d love to hear you sigh
As your torture goes to high
And rats gnaw at your spleen.
I’d deny your existence
As the price of your resistance
And say things are peachy keen.
I’d make a golf bag from your skin,
Feed your liver to your kin
And merrily would sing.
With no one left to stop me
No one could ever top me
If I only were a king.