(To the tune of “Mr. Sandman”)
Mr. Tariff Man, send us a dream
You’re a big dummy like we’ve never seen.
Before your bright thoughts we weren’t rolling in clover.
Now we must think that perhaps it’s game over.
Dear Tariff Man, we’re so alone
Your billionaire friends want to take over our homes.
Please find a spaceship to give you a ride.
We know you’re working for the other side.
Mr. Tariff Man, hear the terrified screams.
Real people can’t afford your asinine schemes.
Small shops are shuttered, farmers are busted,
All because your warped brain cells are rusted.
Tariff Man, is this all just a scam?
Your voters are anguished, but you don’t give a damn.
Wake us all up from your horrid drama.
You’re turning the nation into Alabama.
Mr. Tariff Man, you betrayed all our friends.
Don’t worry, dumbbell, you can still make amends.
Take a day off, go down to the border,
And deport yourself to the Land of the Dotards.
Mr. Tariff Man, your lies give you away.
Disappear to Russia and brighten our day.
Make America great, just abandon your schemes.
Mr. Tariff Man, send us this dream!