The House will recognize its chaplain
Who will now intone the benediction
For the newly appointed department heads,
Who should understand that the word “recess”
Has changed its meaning since they were in school.
First, may the law be restored to righteously
Defending property and wealth.
May criminals be suppressed except those
Who come preapproved before the bench.
And may no one get to read the false reports.
May the health of the nation be preserved
Without the risk of medicines or vaccines
In the Edenic paradise we call home.
May no plagues or other imaginary woes
Distress the mind whose thoughts are all we need.
May our borders be secured, may families
Who violate our laws rot away in camps,
They and whoever looks or talks like them.
May our lawns somehow be cut anyway,
And our fast food always served on time.
May the nation’s defense need no defending.
May loyalty be the highest form of truth.
May our forces prosper without leaders
So we can stomp on whomever we choose
Until they value all that we provide.
May our homeland’s security survive and thrive
And terrorists know they’ve met their match
When hardhearted folks assume command
Of critical infrastructure and the weather.
May the Secretary not shoot her pets in public.
May our Director of National Intelligence,
If there is a national intelligence,
Continue to see no evil run amuck
In the conference rooms of foreign powers.
Her motto: let’s get along and play fair.
Let the environment be cherished
As any fossil fuel company might wish.
Clean water and air must be overrated
Since their economic impact isn’t stated.
Drill, baby, drill—a mantra for our age.
O Lord of the bigots and small-minded,
Continue to support our fantasies.
May our ship of state require no guidance
Until perhaps we’re dead or can speak Russian.
In profit’s name keep things going. Amen.