Obama and the 2076 Election

Before we get to 2076, first things first: Hail Obama, our brilliant, articulate, eloquent, half-black savior and prince.

Okay, so maybe St. Barack is a tad less progressive than we imagined but you have to admit he’s brilliant and eloquent and half-black. And c’mon, folks, he’s not even in office yet. Give the poor guy a chance. Once he’s in, we’ll hold his feet to the fire and make real progress. We’ll get permits to hold weekend protests (with none of those nasty anarchists invited) and we’ll give voice to the voiceless…in our designated free speech zones, of course. President Obama will hear us, I’m sure. He’ll prove there is a difference between the two parties. After all, you can’t tell me you didn’t shed a tear when you saw all those young people celebrating in the streets. The youth have spoken! The future has arrived! Bushism is dead!!! Let’s rejoice!!! Let’s sing along with Ani DiFranco’s amazing new song, “Yes We Can”!!!

In fact, I’m willing to go out on a limb right now and boldly predict that by the year 2011, the number of US combat troops in Iraq will have decreased by at least 10-15%. To those who want more, I ask: We can’t expect Obama to simply withdraw those brave, heroic, gallant, valiant, superhuman men and women in one shot, can we? No way, there’s no cut and run for America. (And remember: we wouldn’t be in this mess if that damn egotistical Ralph Nader hadn’t ruined everything in 2000. He shouldn’t be allowed to run. Make it illegal, I say.)

At least Obama is forming a strong centrist coalition. “A team of rivals,” they say. Some may nitpick and point out that every single appointee is a Washington retread who supported the war and could’ve just as easily been chosen by John McCain had he won, but Obama is clearly in charge and he’s brilliant. He makes the decisions, and he’s so articulate. He promised hope and change and, being that he’s so eloquent, I’m positive he will deliver. It would be negative, bitter, and cynical to think otherwise. In fact, anyone not thrilled with the historic election of a half-black man should not be allowed to breathe our precious oxygen. (Ain’t that right, Tim Wise?)

Looking ahead, we’ll have bumps in the road (like many years of recession, escalation of the war on Afghanistan and subsequent blowback, reinstitution of the military draft, drastic cuts in social programs, an ongoing policy of torture and extra-judicial trials, the use of US troops to quell dissent by US citizens on US soil, to name but a few) but I’m confident we’ll have the brilliant, inspirational Obama in office until 2016…followed by America’s first female president—Hillary Clinton—until 2024. Hooray!!!!! What a proud moment for the world’s greatest nation. Gender equality is ours!!! No more patriarchy!!!

Sure, those mean Republicans may steal an election or two. They may even stage one of those infamous false flag operations that a Democrat would never participate in. But we’ll prevail. We will prevail. Progressive values will never die and no slimy Republican or more-radical-than-thou nihilist can tell me different. I have faith. I have hope. I believe. I read The Nation and Z Magazine. I watch Jon Stewart and Rachel Maddow. I leave comments at Daily Kos. I’m part of the solution, pal. If you’re not with me, you’re against me!!! This is change I can believe in!!! How about you?

As this century progresses, we’re bound to see the first Hispanic-American president, the first Asian-American president, the first indigenous-disabled-transgender-atheist-undocumented-communist president and who knows what other proud breakthroughs lie ahead for the land of the free and home of the brave? Maybe we’ll cut emissions by 2-3%, the minimum wage will rise by at least 25 cents, and being a loyal American consumer will be so much easier when that national ID card becomes mandatory.

What’s that you say? 10,000 gallons of gasoline are burned in the US every second? We’re losing 200,000 acres of rain forest every 24 hours? 2.2 billion pounds of pesticides are used by Americans each year? 100 plant or animal species go extinct each day? 81 tons of mercury are emitted into the atmosphere each year as a result of electric power generation? Every square mile of ocean hosts 46,000 pieces of floating plastic? 13 million tons of toxic chemicals released across the globe each and every day? 70,000 new chemical compounds have been invented and dispersed into our environment since 1950? There will be no glaciers left in Glacier National Park by 2030? The Arctic region expected to have its first completely ice-free summer in 2040? Coastal glaciers in Greenland thinning by 3 feet per year? 90% of the large fish in the ocean are already gone? 80% of the world’s forest are already gone? Every two seconds, a human being starves to death and 29,158 children under the age of five die from preventable causes every single day?

Slow down, Mr. Negative. Don’t bum me out with your pessimistic stats and unconstructive attitude. You’re full of bad news but you never offer a solution. You have no plan. We have a plan—a plan that comes equipped with its own soaring oratory, a plan named Barack Obama. Besides, it’s always best to focus on the positive and not dwell in gloom and doom. How else can we maintain the hope we need to make a difference? How else can we each become the change we wish to see in the world? How else can we justify our Obama worship?

Sure, some things are a little messed up but I deeply sense in my heart of hearts that change will come. It will come slowly, but it will come!!! By the time we get to that all-important 2076 election, true radicals will finally be able to vote their conscious. At long last, we’ll have a president that the people (well, the few people that are still alive) can support without compromise. No more lesser evil. No more hold your nose and vote. Nope, stay tuned for 2076, folks. Democracy, peace, justice, and solidarity will be ours on America’s 300th birthday…and it all begins on January 20, 2009 with our very own brilliant, eloquent, half-black Pope of Hope!!!

I’ll see you in the future…

  • inspired by Joe from Maine
  • Mickey Z. is the creator of a podcast called Post-Woke. You can subscribe here. He is also the founder of Helping Homeless Women - NYC, offering direct relief to women on New York City streets. Spread the word. Read other articles by Mickey.

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    1. Don Hawkins said on December 8th, 2008 at 9:48am #

      Think of this as kind of a war 44 day’s and then what? The truth and knowledge could just work.

    2. Ron Horn said on December 8th, 2008 at 10:28am #

      Great satire!

    3. bozh said on December 8th, 2008 at 10:47am #

      at first people believed in Baal, a semitic god. and what happened? baal went kaput along w. many of his followers.
      then came another semitic god, yahweh. he’s still alive but hebrews who worshiped him nearly entirely evanesced
      judaism is also extant but only beacuase euros have adopted him.
      then came jesus; yet another semitic god; and the world became even worse.
      then arose allah. and semites suffered like never before. wittness what is happening to pals.
      is it any wonder that euros w. judaic faith hate so much, what they call, “shemites”
      they will call u antisemitic but at the same time look dwn on semites or shemites.
      ‘jews’ will tell u that they r not shemitic but still claim that i am antishemitic.
      then came clinton and things got worse. but not because of what he did but because what uncle sam did.
      now O came; saw a little bit; did a little bit; things got worse.
      and poor O will be blamed just like bush. but not to worry.
      uncle has new prospects; dazzling w. erudition, good looks, silver-tongue, faith in at least 3 gods, etc. thnx

    4. steve conn said on December 8th, 2008 at 10:48am #

      A guy who blames Ralph Nader, overlooking the mountain of proof that the blame Nader lie was invented by Democratic operatives when they blew the 2000 election? So now Obama’s dismissal of any progressivce agenda is- by extension- Nader’s fault? Guess what? Obama’s public works program is drawn directly from Nader’s 2000, 2004 and 2008 platforms. Thank you, Ralph Nader.

    5. Deadbeat said on December 8th, 2008 at 10:58am #

      Mickey Z is one pessimistic dude. Rather than express a will to organize especially with the minority groups he identifies in his article. This could be either an opportunity or just another diversion — glass half full or half empty. Rather than focusing on individual politicians, Mickey Z should focus on analyzing the campaign and how the energy, interest, and activity that surrounded that campaign can be persuaded to move in the direction that he prefers. That is the kind of optimism that Tim Wise was expressing in his critique of the Left. It seems to me that Mickey Z may be falling into the same mindset that Tim Wise critiqued.

    6. bozh said on December 8th, 2008 at 11:06am #

      steve conn, i call that personalization of events of trillions interrelationships.
      jesus, ghandi, kennedy, pope, mother theresa, st.francis, st. paul, marylin monroe, came and went.
      being lazy and careless, they did not build a single party of two, three…
      all we got from them was words and no action.
      the more people blame/praise one person for events, the more the gang (like the one in US, 2mn+) w.o. pang likes it.
      true i also give out words but have done some deeds as well. and i’m not famous to build a party.
      unfortunately, even now people practise cult of the personality. it’s too bad but a sad fact. thnx

    7. Mickey Z. said on December 8th, 2008 at 11:12am #

      Let’s see…

      Someone missed the painfully obvious satire? Check

      I got called “pessimistic”? Check

      “Deadbeat” discerned a lack of nuanced analysis? Check

      Someone wake me when I’m dubbed a “nihilist” and “hp” stops by and accuses me of being a Zionist.


    8. gil said on December 8th, 2008 at 12:06pm #

      What exactly does it mean to vote your conscious? As opposed to what? I’ve never heard of anyone voting their subconscious. Or their unconscious? I dunno. Sounds a lil spooky.

    9. Maxwell Black said on December 8th, 2008 at 12:37pm #

      Oh happy Left. So Z is a big bad ‘ole pessimist.

      Remember the film Life is Beautiful? Roberto Benigni’s character was in a Nazi concentration camp with his son. To spare his son the horror of their situation he convinces him that the whole scenario is just a game. Children sometimes deserve and need sweet little lies to survive situations that are beyond the scope of their years; adults do not have this luxury. Get it?

      Deadbeat, after “analyzing the campaign” many of us concluded that what we witnessed was Wall Street and friends investing in a new product and then doing a two year, successful marketing blitz. It could have been toothpaste, tampons or a new color “revolution” in Eastern Europe. As far as all of the youth enthusiasm seen in the streets after the election: I’ve witnessed the exact same scenario when the Terps win a game; or when a new PlayStation is released for that matter!

      As far as the “critique of the left” offered by Saint Wise, he literally informed those of us not enlisting in the Obama army (cult of personality) that we didn’t deserve to live. What curious “optimism!”

      Mickey, you are a nihilist. A romantic nihilist!

      [Crap, I said I wasn’t going to do these anymore. No offense Deadbeat. Love and rainbows to all.]

    10. catherine said on December 8th, 2008 at 2:27pm #

      Okay, you’re a Zionist! Check.

      Thanks, as always, for your work, satire or not. And of course Ralph Nader should be put on an island to fend for himself. Goes without sayin’.

    11. RG the LG said on December 8th, 2008 at 3:32pm #

      A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

      No matter which way you read it as satire, or as nihilism, Z strikes again with some reality.

      Maybe it isn’t that bad … but it sure doesn’t look that good.

      I think Z is unfortunately correct … sure not politically!

      I wonder what is being beaten dead?

      RG the LG

    12. Mickey Z. said on December 8th, 2008 at 4:21pm #

      Whew…I feel so much better now. Was it good for you, too?

    13. cariboo said on December 8th, 2008 at 5:06pm #

      Great article Mickey-the best I’ve read in awhile.

      After having endured Tim Wise’s recent tantrum (http://www.zmag.org/znet/viewArticle/19756) it’s refreshing to read this posting. Before the last (s)election I felt ill as I watched so many so-called leftists fall into an Obama stupor, thinking somehow that the man would bring structural change to America. The most comical display for me was seeing Buzzlash selling “Hippies for Obama” pins. Not so comical, was Greg Palast urging people to “VOTE OBAMA” because he was black. Funny he wouldn’t mention McKinney?

      Like Tim Wise I am a recent father, and days before my daughter was born I finished reading Derrick Jensen’s “Endgame”, not exactly a feel-good read. I spoke with my father before the birth and told him that I had little hope for the future. He responded, “That will change as soon as you’re a father.” I told him that it wouldn’t, but what would change would be a renewed enthusiasm to speak truth to power (and to expand our garden!). I think we are doing our children a supreme disservice by suggesting that Barack Obama or any other Democratic candidate (no matter how black they may be!) will offer the radical reforms that are so desperately needed. Am I a pessimist? No, it’s called realism.

      As Mickey outlines here, we have monumentally fucked up the planet. It’s going to take more than Barack the butler to fix it.

      Dance, make love, garden, spend some time in the wilderness, form a cooperative…but don’t lose sight of reality.

    14. deang said on December 8th, 2008 at 5:15pm #

      I’m amazed that so many readers didn’t get that this was satire.

      You’re great, Mickey Z (and I too found Tim Wise’s lambasting of people who won’t turn off their minds and close their eyes to celebrate Obama bizarre. Wise is normally so good.).

    15. DavidG. said on December 8th, 2008 at 6:39pm #

      Look, I don’t know whether to cut my throat or throw a party! Is Obama the Man or not?

      I can’t handle this indecision. Why doesn’t Mickey come out and tell us what’s what? He can’t leave us hanging in mid-air for decades. Are we stuffed or not?

      More importantly, does being stuffed only apply to Americans or can Australians apply?

      P.S. Wink, wink! There’s a revolution on my blog:


    16. Michael Hureaux said on December 8th, 2008 at 7:17pm #

      Go get ’em, Mickey. If the Obama-ites have the mass following they claim, they sure as hell wouldn’t be waiting for his inaugural to begin pressuring him. Now is the time. Now. One good mass rally, unmediated by the “democratic” national committee, in every town, every city, every borough where they claim they have the foot soldiers, between now and January. One. If they have the numbers and the enthusiasm, it shouldn’t be a problem. But they don’t have the numbers of mass support, because if they did, we’d all have been hearing from grassroots organizers at least once since the election was won. Obama supporters only understand mass pressure as something that is exerted within the rubrics of the “democratic party. And that’s not real pressure. Roosevelt had to take such pressure into account, because there was organization independent of “democrats” going on, and he said as much.

      But the truth is, they don’t. They rally at the behest and with the permission of the “democrats”. They have not built an independent base to “pressure” Obama, whatever they say. At a time when workers are staging sitdowns in Chicago- CHICAGO, where half a million people rallied to hear the Golden Child speak on election night- staging a reality that demonstrates mass strength with a target of a tenth of that number, or even a twentieth, ought to be a breeze. Everyone knows those workers are right. But the Obama supporters won’t, because they can’t, and because they fear mass politics more than they do the conservative right. Which means that liberals have a problem, because the conservative right will work to rally their mass in a hot minute, which was demonstrated in the Georgia senate election just two weeks ago.

      By the way where were Obama and his supporters then? They sat it out. They sat out an election, which would have allegedly given the “democrats” a veto-proof majority. So clearly it wasn’t that important to Obama and the people around them.

      It’s not about giving Obama and his fortunes a chance, Obama-ites. Many of us bit the bullet and voted for the jerk because we believed (partly) in your enthusiasm. But now, as we have seen so many times before with people who support the “democratic” party as an end in itself, you all are walking away from any mass bass you have until such time as your “democratic” enablers give you the green light to roll forward again.

      Fence yourselves in if you want to, Obama supporters. But don’t expect passive support from the rest of us.

    17. Max Shields said on December 8th, 2008 at 8:00pm #

      Mickey Z has written, once again, a biting and on point essay.

      The idea that a President of the US can be reached, once elected by the people is a joke. These presidents are not, regardless of there beginnings, from the people. They are carved and polished to corporate imperialistic perfection to perform their duties.

      Had a movement created this or any other president of the US, it would then be quite possible to expect it reflected in every choice, every decision he makes from the time of the campaign through the election and then the inaugural right thru the first 100, 1,000 days. There would be no OTHER master to serve, no reason to veer off “mission” because this would not be the invention of a marketed campaign, but of a birthing of a leader from the very bowls of the American life.

      And it does happen in America…South America. Not here. Not yet.

    18. cripes said on December 8th, 2008 at 8:14pm #

      Obama supporters have moved from one excuse to the other to explain why we should wait for him to show his progressive colors. Last month we were supposed to wait until he wins the election; after all he had to appease the right. This week it’s that we should wait until he occupies the oval office, because he can’t do anything until then. Oh, he’s done plenty, and it stinks. What will be their excuse after January 20th?

      And he doesn’t need to wait until he’s sworn in to support workers, foreclosed homeowners or to unequivocally repudiate unconstitutional abuses of power and torture. I don’t know, maybe take a fucking stand. Hell, I’m not even going to the oval office and I can do that.

    19. MrCynic3 said on December 8th, 2008 at 11:37pm #


      This is just a satire but a very good satire that really reflects reality.

    20. johndoraemi said on December 9th, 2008 at 12:56am #

      “Mickey Z should focus on analyzing the campaign and how the energy, interest, and activity that surrounded that campaign can be persuaded to move in the direction that he prefers…”

      Oooh, I know, I know!







      The Golden Rule: He who has the gold calls the tune.

      Got billions?

      Hey that’s catchy.

      Got billions?


    21. giorgio said on December 9th, 2008 at 5:04am #

      WHEN “the first indigenous-disabled-transgender-atheist-undocumented-communist president” gets elected THEN I WILL BELIEVE!
      And I’m not being a Mr. Negative, with a pessimistic and unconstructive attitude, either. I’ll stick around, hopefully, until that 2076 election when the TRUE, REAL and JUDAIC MESSIAH arrives in full Splendour and Glory. Then we ALL will toddle along to the synagogue on the sabbath….

    22. ed strong said on December 9th, 2008 at 1:32pm #

      Great stuff, Mickey. Bravura performance. OK, let’s find a reason to be optimistic. Obama’s rise and fall will break the back of so-called progressives.

      To think that they are supposed to be the ‘left’ in US politics. Laughable. Just think: a world without faux leftists. It’s enough to make real lefties weep with joy.

      So, let’s just flush the alter-net crowd away and enjoy ourselves. Keep on ridiculing!

    23. Ramsefall said on December 9th, 2008 at 7:46pm #

      Mickey Z,

      lmao…this is too much, “As this century progresses, we’re bound to see the first Hispanic-American president, the first Asian-American president, the first indigenous-disabled-transgender-atheist-undocumented-communist president and who knows what other proud breakthroughs lie ahead for the land of the free and home of the brave?” That’s just too damn good not to bust a spleen or appendix laughing! I enjoy your comical wit in the face of absurdity.

      I guess though that it’s not hard to believe that there are nay sayers out their who can’t see the value of your perspective…too bad, so sad.

      Thanks so much for this piece of satirical art.

      Best to you.

    24. Ramsefall said on December 9th, 2008 at 7:56pm #


      take a load off your feet, and lighten up man, it’s satire for fuck’s sake (apology here). Try and enjoy life just a little when it beckons you while your still breathin’. Go on now, pass it around.

      Best to you.

    25. Dogwood said on December 9th, 2008 at 8:00pm #

      Mikey Z,

      Thanks for the wonderful satire!

      And thanks, too, for your support of Ralph Nader.

    26. Deadbeat said on December 10th, 2008 at 12:57am #


      This article falls in line with Mickey Z’s approach and stance to the Obama campaign — satire or not. I call Mickey Z’s stance for what it is — pessimism. The problem with “Z” and many on the Left is the focus on personalities that takes too much of the focus and attention away from collection action. As an example the current sit-down strike by workers is clear an action taken by lesser knowns workers that has a much greater impact and is a ray of optimism. Therefore Ramsefall contrary to your belittling assertion I enjoy these victories and the potential for more victories and harnessing the activities unleashed by the Obama campaign.


    27. BIthl said on December 10th, 2008 at 2:31am #

      I think we should avoid the word “articulate” when discussing Obama. “Articulate” is the word white people commonly use to describe a black person who surprises them by not living up to their stereotype as an ebonic-speaking black.

      Eloquent is a better term.

    28. Ramsefall said on December 10th, 2008 at 4:30am #


      I’ve read Mickey’s work before, just never commented on it. My comment wasn’t meant to belittle, it was meant to help you “chill the #@&% out” as Jules Winnfield would say. I guess if you can’t appreciate humor when you see it, life is pretty damn serious. The absurdity of this election, Obama and the system that produced him are worth having fun with once in while. Maybe you didn’t find Sanford and Son or MASH funny either.

      I didn’t intend to ruffle your feathers, but who knows, maybe Mickey Z did mean to challenge your optimism in the Pope of Hope. Sensitive. Try and get out a bit more if you can.

      Best to you.

    29. Ramsefall said on December 10th, 2008 at 6:10am #

      John and Jane Q. Publics,

      In my response to Deadbeat, I insensitively failed to take into consideration that there are people out there who have placed every ounce of faith and hope in the president-elect, who’s really no more black than white, but that’s beside the point. For those of you with absolute optimism in Obama, peculiarly amoeba holds an interestingly similar ring when spoken, it’s not likely that these discussions or articles like Mickey Z’s will distract your unfaltering dedication in adherence to the coming change.

      Hopefully you’re all prepared to organize lots of enduring and effective sit-down strikes, as Deadbeat makes note of, to make your demands known while attempting to save your skin. For if the new president were actually to address the needs of the people on his own volition, we’d all see a break from the past ingrained behavior of sub-humans in his position. The certainty that your savior will consider your needs over those of his Wall Street clients, however, is non-waiverable, thus no need to fret over what pessimists and realists say.

      When I see a tornado coming on a mid-summer’s late afternoon in the Heartland, I take cover based on what my eyes and sensibility tell me. As such, when I see yet another corporate tool making false pledges in order to grasp that golden ring of nearly absolute power, while surrounding himself with advisors who are FAR from a break of the past, I call it like I see it. That’s not pessimism, that’s called realism — just telling it like it is. Now, I could be optimistic and pray and hope that that imposing funnel cloud won’t hit my house, but standing on the roof waiting to find out wouldn’t be using the organ between my ears, now would it? Likewise, hoping that the presidential Amoeba will bring needed change as he picks his posse of Clintonites/Bushites would make about as much sense.

      Wake up America! Your breakfast is burning!

      Best to all.

    30. Max Shields said on December 10th, 2008 at 7:17am #


      I agree. One person’s myth is another’s reality.

      Turning, as Deadbeat does, every incident into the “outcome of the Obama election movement” is hilarious – on the one hand.

      It is not cruelty to point out that this kind of delusionalism requires a reality check.

      Last I knew, Deadbeat, the majority of eligible voters DIDN’T vote at ALL in the mass marketed two year extravaganza – 2008 Election.

      The important point worthy of emphasis, Ramsefall, is that critical thinking and demythifing is the first step, a purging if you will, to real change.

      There is an old notion carried by sales trainers “fake it till you maket it.” In sales where much is fakery (I see Obama is familiar with the technique), that slogan applies, but is deadly to a movement. Pretending that Obama represents anything other than a billion dollar marketing scheme (where the heavy betting came from the finance and insurance elite) is something we need to FACE before we can get the change we need, to be the change we need.

    31. Ramsefall said on December 10th, 2008 at 8:54am #

      Thanks, Max,

      it is hilarious on one hand, quite lamentable on the other.

      Demythifying is most pertinent, and easier said than done. Amoeba believers will once again need to shown what a farce he his through experience, ¨Hey, a bomb is falling from the sky headed right toward us, let’s hope we’re gonna be okay!” Absurd thinking that parallels any kind of expectation from the black cracker, oops. Can I say that here, it was spontaneity?

      Critical thinking is essential, so is laughter from time to time, those endorphins are healthy.

      As for voter turnout, didn’t the final figures come in at roughly 64%? A record surpassing Vietnam, did I read those figures wrong? Regardless, Max, I appreciate your input.

      Best to you, Sir.

    32. Max Shields said on December 10th, 2008 at 9:06am #

      Voter turnout was the same as 2004 according to CNN (http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/archives/2008_voter_turnout_same_as_2004_/)

      Obama got close to what LBJ got in 2004 in terms of his total percentage while well under that of FDR.

      I do have to back track on the “majority” of eligible did not vote statement and simply say that the vast majority did not vote for Obama in terms of the total eligible voters. That’s no different than other elections…but than that’s my point.

      Yes, laughter can be a great elixir.


    33. Ramsefall said on December 10th, 2008 at 10:56am #

      That 64% figure came from Chomsky, if I’m not mistaken. Either way, roughly a third of eligible voters, at best, endorsed Amoeba.

      Thanks for your clarification, I’ll take another cup of that elixir, please.

    34. bozh said on December 10th, 2008 at 3:43pm #

      in short, if one hires a roofer to do the roofing, one asks or wants to know how many roofs had the roofer done. then one likes to know how much time it took to finish the jobs.
      then one compares the costs and finally wants to know how many roofs if any leaked before its time.
      uncle sam has just hired obama. and one can bet that obama will do just fine.
      wars/occupations, no health care, etc., will continue. re the wars that uncle wages, these affect amers only a little; they r hidden from site; so they don’t have to shut ears nor eyes.
      uncle has ensured that his flock is undisturbed by legs and heads going off in all directions.
      so, how many wars had uncle waged? 180, is it? and now w. a new managment, he’d stop in a few mo’s to wage old and refrain from starting new wars/slaughters. no way jose! thnx