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 (DV) Glover: Let Us Pray -- For Bush Relief







Let Us Pray -- For Bush Relief
by Jim Glover
September 18, 2005

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As most people know, George W. Bush has thought of a way to make up for his most recent display of corruption-based incompetence. He declared a Day of Prayer. It was held this past September 16, and no doubt will become an annual event, complete with lucrative contracts for private security companies to maintain order.

But in any case, Bush’s brainstorm gave me an idea, too. And, as they say in old movies, it’s crazy but it just might work. I propose that every sane person still remaining in the U.S. start asking God to rid us, once and for all, of Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and the rest of their crime syndicate. It doesn’t matter HOW they disappear. We can let God work out the details.

Skeptics may scoff, but consider the huge role played by prayer and Divine Intervention in Bush’s “election” last fall. By all accounts, going into the election, Bush supporters were praying up a storm on his behalf. They needed to, because Bush went into it with a less-than-50-percent approval rating, and no incumbent had ever beaten those odds. [1]

And through much of the day, exit polls showed Bush losing. As late as 9 PM (Eastern), CNN announced that Kerry had a 3 point lead, based on a sample of 13,000 voters.

And then, God stepped in.

By 1:30 AM, according to CNN, a five-point swing had occurred. Bush was now ahead by two points. And here’s the miracle: Bush made up the five percentage points on just 531 more respondents. Which is literally impossible in this earthly world. [2]

By the time the actual votes were counted, the miracle had been completed. Bush had “won” after all! For this one great miracle to happen, there had occurred a great number of smaller ones. In Florida, for example, unbelievable numbers of registered Democrats had voted for Bush. In one county, nearly 90 percent of voters were Democrats, yet Bush got two-thirds of the votes! And, as one analyst, Colin Shea, observed, “In 21 [Florida] counties, more than 50% of Democrats would have to have defected to Bush to account for the county result; in four counties at least 70% would have been required. These results are absurdly unlikely." [3]

Many other miraculous things happened in Bush’s favor that evening, but you get the idea. And the only logical explanation is that God intervened.

Otherwise, you’d have to believe that the election was dishonest. And that could not be because this is the United States, where by definition elections are honest and just. Only conspiracy theorists (that is, village idiots) even ask questions once the likes of CNN and the New York Times hand down the Official Story.

And so, again, the only remaining explanation is a supernatural intervention, probably by some kind of deity who made wealthy, white men in his image.

So now you have proof that Jim Morrison was wrong: You CAN petition the Lord with prayer. Now it remains for us simply to out-pray the Bush supporters. Not by praying harder, of course, but by praying smarter.

It’s true that the Bush operatives -- the lieutenants, capos, bagmen, hit men, spies, and street thugs -- are very clever. After all, they are led by the great professional con man himself, the king of dirty tricks, Karl Rove.

But I suspect their supporters -- those who don’t work for the Bush syndicate but actually believe the sheep dip they hand out -- are not the swiftest rapids in the river. With a sound prayer strategy, they can be beaten.

Many Bush supporters, no doubt, prayed their ivory-colored asses off on Prayer Day, and will continue to do so every day. Hey, they’re famous for it. But they are probably praying for many different things. One, for example, may be praying for protection from the barbarian hordes (black people) of inner New Orleans, while another is asking God to protect our troops from the barbarian hordes (Arabs) of the Middle East. In other words, their requests are apt to be all over the board. They must appear disorganized and chaotic, and I doubt God plays that.

Meanwhile we, the tens of millions who have had enough of the imperial mafia, could all start praying for the exact same thing. We’ll be single-issue worshippers. God will hear our organized cries, and if he has any faith in Democracy, he’ll answer them. He will finally rid us of the destructive plague that moves among us, wreaking poverty, destruction and despair.

So let’s all remember the old adage: you get what you pray for. Worshipers, let’s roll.

Jim Glover is a recovering Catholic who once made a deal with God involving daily rosary recititations in exchange for a career in the National Basketball Association. Unfortunately, negotiations broke down. So Glover now teaches Recreation Management at Southern Illinois University. He can be reached at:

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[1] Dennis Loo, Ph.D. "No Paper Trail Left Behind."

[2] Michael Keefer, "Footprints of Electoral Fraud: The November 2 Exit Poll Scam."

[3] Colin Shea, "I Smell a Rat."