Today the NFL announced plans to form a second league specifically for Native American reservations. The commissioner proclaimed at today’s press conference, “Native Americans have been outraged over the disrespectful use of their heritage. I am proud to declare in reconciliation we will give the Native Americans their own league. Team names and symbols will only disrespect non-Native Americans.” He went on to say, “This gesture goes a long way towards honoring Native Americans and leveling the playing field.”
There are currently plans to have a new league with 12 teams based at Indian Reservations. None of these teams will be hosted by a reservation with a casino. The chief of one reservation with a casino stated, “We would not want to be a part of this.” A tribal counsel elder from another reservation said, “While some reservations with sovereignty over their land have been allowed to open casinos, the rest of our sovereign nations are denied the freedom to rule ourselves. The United States is a great land of freedom and it has denied us this freedom. We are allowed football and we could use this to generate income. Besides, I think a lot of us would love to paint ourselves and go half naked to something as sacred as a football game. Cheering our team would help us forget about how bad we have been treated.”
Team names have been in the works for years, four names were released. The names are The Inquisitors, Treaty Breakers, Holocaust, and Jihad. It’s easy to see these names will help bring high-spirited action to the gridiron. When asked if these names might be considered tasteless, the spokesman for the commissioner replied, “These names are all based on powerful icons of the past and are meant to bring passion and identity to the individual clubs. Taste has nothing to do with football. Have you seen our fan base? ”
When questioned further he conceded, “Yeah, we did modify one logo in light of current events. The Inquisitors logo was changed. It had the Pope as quarterback behind a bent over man hiking the ball. It was reminiscent of the old New England Patriots logo. We felt this was inappropriate after the recent child molestation scandal within the Catholic Church. We opted for a more sensible depiction of the Pope whipping around the rosary while a heretic is tortured on the wheel. We still like the old logo and will use it for another team called Jihad. It will depict the likeness of the Prophet Mohamed instead of the Pope.
Currently no reservation has yet picked up the franchise known as the Treaty Breakers. Discussions are being held to place this team in the Washington D.C. area. A potential franchise owner said, “We don’t have a venue or the revenue to pay our players. We are taking our cue from the history play books. We will forcibly move other teams from their current stadiums and ignore the player contracts, we will still give them blankets come game day.”
Its no surprise this news has been received with excitement. One student at a university whose administration recently changed its logo complained: “They removed the feathers despite the student bodies high respect for this disrespectful emblem. I can’t respect my university’s decision to lose this cherished, traditional use of the feathers. Fortunately there is a reservation near me that will be hosting a team. I will be there for the beginning of a new tradition of disrespect for someone else’s beliefs.”
The new league is expecting to begin next year. Imagine seeing the crowds whooping and hollering. One side will be swinging their rosary beads over their heads. The other side will do a goosestep version of the wave. There is plenty of excitement anticipated. Look for it to start next year. (*Contact the NFL to find out if a reservation near you will be hosting a team.)
This early sketch of the Inquisitor’s logo
was found disrespectful in light of the sodomizing of boys by catholic
priests. The Pope will be replaced by a representation of the Prophet
Mohamed and used by the team Jihad instead.
Here is an early sketch of the new Inquisitors Logo depicting the flailing of the rosaries by the Pope while cheering on his team delivering torture in the name of God. He’s this excited now. Think how excited he will be when his team scores a touchdown!
Swan LeFitte a.k.a. Chris Swanson was born and is still living.