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(DV) Zingh: Bush Wants Answers on Whether Chavez, Castro and Osama Bin Laden Led US Seige in Iran







Bush Wants Answers on Whether Chavez, Castro and
Osama bin Laden Led US Embassy Siege in Iran

A Special Report by Zbignew Zingh
July 2, 2005

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US President George W. Bush said yesterday he not only wanted answers on whether Iranian President-elect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was a leader in the 1979 US Embassy siege, but also whether Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez and Cuba's Fidel Castro were involved behind the scenes, too.

Some Americans who, more than thirty years ago, watched televised footage of the Carter-era hostage crisis say that they recognized the Iranian President-elect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as a ringleader among the students who took American hostages.

“Look”, they exclaimed, “Ahmadinejad has that same dark hair and eyes, the same dark beard and mustache as the men in the television videotapes. What are the chances that any other guy in that part of the world looks like that? It has to be the same man!” FBI security analysts say that these witnesses are extremely trustworthy. After all, the FBI points out, for years patriotic informants and eyewitnesses have also reported credible sightings of the Virgin Mary on roadside advertising billboards, Elvis in Vegas, space aliens who have abducted their puppies and the face of Jesus in pepperoni pizzas.

Bush said he was not sure whether Ahmadinejad was involved in the 1979 embassy takeover, but he was certain that other, equally evil personalities definitely were. At Mr. Bush's direction, American officials were analyzing photographs and other information in their archives to determine whether, as Mr. Bush believes, Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro can be seen standing behind the scenes directing the Iranian students in the 1979 anti-American uprising.

“Obviously Chavez's and Castro's involvement raises many questions, and knowing how people like that plan for decades to inflict harm on the American people... just like happened on 9-11... I'm confident that the truth will be uncovered,” Bush told reporters.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld also noted that he thought he detected the hand of Saddam Hussein in the 1979 photographs. “Golly, I've shaken the hand of Saddam Hussein many times,” said Mr. Rumsfeld, “and I would recognize his clammy index finger just about anywhere. In fact,” said Rumsfeld, “if our photographic analysis can confirm the fingerprints of Saddam Hussein at the American embassy hostage-taking, then we will finally have discovered the link between that evil dictator and world terrorism that justifies our invasion of Iraq and the liberation of their oil fields.” Mr. Rumsfeld, with his accustomed logic and aplomb, also pointed out the significance of the fact that although Saddam Hussein really had not developed nuclear weapons of mass destruction, 36 years after the 1979 embassy hostage-taking at which Saddam Hussein's presence has now been detected, the Iranian fundamentalist government could be thinking about trying to develop the same WMDs that Saddam Hussein didn't build, but might have built if he could have built them.

Vice President Dick Cheney, interviewed by telegraph from somewhere deep within his underground bunker, commented that he anticipates that CIA evidence-enhancement technology may also be able to place the arch-terrorist himself, Osama bin-Laden, lurking in the background of the 1979 embassy photographs. Cheney noted that the fact that Osama bin Laden could not be seen in the photos meant nothing. Bin-Laden's image would only be visible by reversing the photographic negative, the Vice President observed, because the Evil One ordinarily appears only as a shadow in ordinary daylight.

In interviews with US television networks, GOP operative Karl Rove said that he was personally convinced that Senators Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton were also visible in the photographs of the Iranian captors.

“They weren't very nice people at the time. Kennedy and Clinton,” said Rove, “were just like the people who flew the planes into the World Trade Center on 9-11, who gassed their own people in Iraq, and who hate Freedom and Democracy. “They're all very hard-line, they're folks that we cannot get along with,” Rove told a Fox Television interviewer.

The charismatic John Bolton, President Bush's nominee to be the US ambassador to the United Nations, yelled at reporters while chasing them down the hall with a horse whip, that he was certain he also saw North Korea's Kim Il Song and United Nations Secretary Kofi Annan lurking in the background of the 1979 embassy hostage photographs.

One US official who spoke on condition of anonymity, said Ahmadinejad, Chavez, Castro, Kim, Annan, Osama, Kennedy and Clinton all seemed to have moved “through the same circle” as the 1979 Iranian hostage takers, but added, “Were they all hostage takers? That's the open question.”

In the expectation that the facts will be duly fixed around the policy, Mr. Bush has ordered the Pentagon to prepare for the immediate invasions of Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, North Korea and New England. The wars are expected to be successfully concluded by next weekend.

Zbignew Zingh can be reached at This Article is CopyLeft, and free to distribute, reprint, repost, sing at a recital, spray paint, scribble in a toilet stall, etc. to your heart’s content, with proper author citation. Find out more about Copyleft and read other great articles at

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