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This Week in Conspiracy Intelligence
by Troy Skeels
August 29, 2004
First Published in Eat the State!

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Review: Children of Satan III: The Sexual Congress for Cultural Fascism, published by the Lyndon LaRouche 2004 presidential campaign.

"Lyndon LaRouche has referenced the brawls over his punctuation as an illustration of what is at stake here."

-- Children of Satan III, P.33

The LaRouche people have asked Eat the State! to review their latest publication. They didn't blow their cover by calling us or anything--one of our readers discovered one of our newspapers racks devoid of copies of Eat The State! and instead stuffed full of copies of the LaRouche zine. I can't think of any other reason that righteous freedom fighters like the LaRoucheites would colonize our free speech like some kind of international bankers except that they just didn't have our mailing address handy and wanted to communicate with us in the best way they knew how--the "dead drop," international espionage's version of FedEx.

They might not have been expecting a review so much as the more traditional coded message in the personals section of the Seattle Times. But since I don't have LaRouche's CIA connections, or what former Reagan advisor and National Security Council analyst, Norman Bailey, called "one of the best private intelligence services in the world," this is the best that I can do.

If you can believe the agents of the anti-LaRouche conspiracy, Lyndon began his political career as a Marxist of the Trotskyite variety with a penchant for sending his followers to beat up rival groups. A few years later he reinvented himself as a "Franklin Roosevelt Democrat," just in time for Reagan's America, and began forging alliances with organizations like the Ku Klux Klan, the South African apartheid regime and the Liberty Lobby. During Reagan's first term he even developed a close relationship with the National Security Council.

LaRouche has been called a Nazi by people who have developed academic criteria for distinguishing real Nazis from garden variety fascists, his economic policy has been likened to Mussolini's "state capitalism"--again by experts in that sort of thing--and he reportedly orchestrated the forced "deprogramming" of the man who ran off with his wife in the 1970s. Many people, including ex-members of what they call his "cult," regard him as a dangerous megalomaniac. In short, he has the qualifications to be a decent president. (But that's not an endorsement, either of LaRouche or the President). Somewhere along the way he was convicted and served time for mail fraud and served five years in federal prison, from which he ran his 1992 presidential campaign. LaRouche says that the conviction was a government conspiracy to silence him--which is at least consistent with everything else he says.

Once, LaRouche would have been called an old fashioned American crackpot--but times change, and being in the midst of the failing occupation of a country we invaded based on absurd fantasy and forged documents all cheerleaded by the New York Times, calling someone a conspiracy theorizing nutcase has pretty much lost its meaning. Overnight, LaRouche has become a respectable statesman by default.

LaRouche's Report on the Congress for Cultural Freedom (CCF), or the Sexual Congress for Cultural Fascism as he likes to call it, defines the basic problem with America as a satanically inspired cultural decay--epitomized by the lethargic public acquiescence to the "beast-man" Dick Cheney's wallowing depredations. And while Dick is bad, he is not the architect of our troubles, "the brutishly bungling Vice-President Dick is no self made man, and certainly no genius," says LaRouche, suggesting Cheney should be compared to Mary Shelley's "lurching Frankenstein Monster." He says that Cheney "is only a very bad actor, playing a part created by such cleverer men as Nazi "crown jurist Carl Schmidt's one time protégé....University of Chicago Professor Leo Strauss."

So far, so good.

LaRouche defines "satanic" forces as those that promote dehumanization and intellectual and moral degradation for the selfish ends of the few on top; Satanic indicators include the IMF, corporate attempts to redefine the "citizen" as a "consumer," crappy TV, crooked politicians, hippie drum circles, and a cynical lap-dog press, among other things.

According to the premise of the pamphlet, the CCF and its fellow travelers have played a key role bringing about our current dismal state of affairs through their sinister campaign to promote "modern art," the tip of a deadly missile aimed straight at Americans' delicate reasoning faculties. Formed after World War II by the financial backers of the Nazis, and the Nazi infiltrated CIA, the CCF inaugurated its program of "mass brainwashing," in 1952 to, through a month long festival in Paris entitled "Masterpieces of the 20th Century," celebrate and promote the "culture of pessimism." And based on the state of the world, the plot is clearly working.

A not-even-close-to-exhaustive list of those who directly or through their works are implicated in this hyper-Nazi conspiracy includes Aleister Crowley, Margaret Mead, Igor Stravinsky, "atonal music," Gertrude Stein, Jerry Falwell, Jackson Pollack, Hemmingway, the Beatles, Henry Kissinger, Allen Ginsberg, Time Magazine, Pat Robertson, the World Wildlife Fund, MK-Ultra, Noam Chomsky, "radical Euclidians," Martin Heidegger, James Joyce, The Anglican Church, people overly concerned with punctuation, TS Eliot, George Orwell, Baby Boomers, and (why not) mathematician John Von Neumann.

The various authors of the publication accuse so many "former communists," ex-Trotskyites, KKK associates, Mussolinans, and friends of the CIA that I wouldn't have been surprised to see LaRouche himself implicated--which would have been a nice touch in a snake swallowing its own tail sort of way. (Not to mention an opportunity to expand his fundraising appeals: "I need your donation so I can keep on fighting the mind-numbing conspiracy I am a member of.") While LaRouche doesn't directly blame apes and monkeys for the current sad state of affairs, he is clearly disappointed in their lax commitment to cultural and scientific progress.

Decrying the "dumbing down," of America that has turned a once healthy and Aristotle-quoting citizenry into a reality TV-watching herd of "human cattle," for the meat-packing convenience of Cheney et al., President LaRouche's education revitalization program would begin with mass book/film/CD burning and university shuttering.

And then, education would be reconstructed along the basic ideas of the Pythagoreans, rejecting utterly the beast-man inducing philosophies of the Stoics, Eleatics, and those damned radical Euclidians--whose flawed geometry, Larouche says, was employed many centuries later to bolster the Cartesian ploy known as the a priori universe and then, aided and abetted by Thomas Hobbes, who "bans classical irony," the CCF hypnotized baby boomers spawned Dick Cheney. This gives rise to post-Classical irony, which LaRouche for some reason fails to mention.

LaRouche's vision is for a strong America rooted in a well-led mercantile class and the traditional American values founded in Renaissance Italy. The nation-state, he says, is the best form of political organization humanely possible, so long, of course, as LaRouche is running it according to proper geometric and artistic principles. In order to keep the nation-state strong he proposes eliminating Karl Rove and Jane Fonda. He thinks that scum like Cheney makes America weak by stealing it blind and thinks that Earth First! is making it weak by letting the trees grow--if it can't discuss Socrates, it's just in the way.

On the other hand, LaRouche doesn't seem especially intent on slugging it out with Islamic theocracies--and assuming they could find common ground in Plato and nobody started waving Euclidian Geometry textbooks around and shouting pro-impressionist slogans, his foreign policy might actually be an improvement over what we can reasonably expect in the near future.

And that's the funny thing about LaRouche. To become a believer in his cult you have to believe some relatively believable things, and some completely ludicrous things. And while the Republican and Democrat Presidential campaigns wisely avoid tracing their policies back to classical Greece, many of the absurdities they are peddling are simply less detailed descriptions of the same things LaRouche is talking about. That's LaRouche's real relevance.

The Children of Satan III can be found in an ETS! newspaper rack near you--if you find some there, be sure to grab some for all of your friends. It is also on the Web at

Troy Skeels is an editor of Eat the State!, a feisty alternative publication from Seattle, Washington, where this article first appeared (

Other Articles by Troy Skeels

* Project for a Humanitarian Century
* With Us or Solaris
* A Sort of Exit Strategy
* The General, the Election, and America's School of Assassins
Nobody but Bush

* The Globalization Wars