We couldn’t embargo theirs,
So we made our own fiesta.
Not aficionados of that
Renegade Bad Bunny,
We won’t go to Santa Clara.
Nice try, but no cigar.
Our fiesta on the patio
In our place near the plaza
A culinary bonanza—
Better than a cafeteria—
We’ve got abalone
On the barbecue, tuna salad,
Tomato sprinkled with oregano
Avocado dip, jalapeño chilli
Nachos for sure.
Have a daiquiri or a piña colada
Or just a coca cola.
Then banana splits,
vanilla shakes, and tapioca.
Then we’ll lasso up some beers,
toke some marijuana,
Cigarettes for sure.
Tobacco is allowed here.
Yeah, we admit to some peccadillos.
OK, Kid Rock never went platinum
They held him incommunicado,
Wanted him to go incognito,
Made English like an albatross.
Now we’re on a crusade,
Vigilant about our lingo.
I’m telling ya buckaroo
At our Ranch,
Wearing cargo pants,
we use a lariat
To corral pintos and mustangs
For the Big Stampede.
Sometimes we swat mosquitoes,
Stomp on a cockroach,
Shoot a wild coyote or a puma.
This ain’t my first rodeo.
I love the Alabama Crimson Tide,
The Hurricanes, Jaguars, Broncos.
I’m a macho man,
Once worked as a stevedore,
Once got put in the stockade,
Wear a ten-gallon hat, alligator shoes.
Still, I can be suave when I want to.
I’m not waiting for no politico
To get my language back pronto.
You savvy? It takes two to tango!
Note from the poet: William Barnes sought to restore English to its non-alien roots. In An Outline of English Speech-Craft, he proposed a proper Germanic tongue without words taken from French, Latin, and Greek. It turns out the Dorsetshire poet from the Romantic era has present-day followers, and for them, I have composed “English Only,” a free verse poem in their tongue. I wonder if the current crop of purists will know that each line contains at least one word, sometimes two or three, rooted in Spanish.