Dear Americans, you lucky boys and girls,
To have me as your president for life
I hope. There’s never been anyone like me.
On that point at least we can all agree.
To honor my birthday some very chic sheiks
Are giving me a luxury jet for keeps.
It’s free except for the upgrades required,
But what’s a billion or so between friends?
My generals are hosting a nice parade,
A couple of brigades marching proud.
Listen to the battle tanks tearing up the streets
Of our beloved capitol, Grafthaven.
Some missiles will remind the world how much
I hate it when people hurt my feelings
And I feel the need to find and punish them
So things can be right in my mind again.
From the curbs we can hawk my bric-a-brac,
Sell Bibles bearing my imprimatur.
Its stories were dictated to me one stormy night,
The night I was ordered to conquer Greenland
By powers that cannot be disobeyed.
Just finished my tour of the Middle East,
Sold a lot of stuff, teased we might have peace
If people would obey my sovereign will.
Got commitments to build towers named for me
And a golf tournament, the first that ever had
A mass beheading for a centerpiece,
That should bump the ratings and make sponsors smile.
The lords of finance need to curry favor.
I’d suggest they purchase crypto from my sons.
The biggest buyer will get dinner with me
And a chance to lay his head where Lincoln slept.
They say that getting older has problems of its own
Like where to store the loot from the latest scam.
I’m like a squirrel that can’t remember
What he buried and what he moved offshore.
Old age has its pleasures if you do it right,
Hold out your hand, let them know what you expect.
The greatest gift of all is pure delusion.
You can’t be greedy or vindictive enough.
You have to act like an offended king.
