Stages of Grief, Disempowering the Abuser, Healing

When the bureaucratic well runs dry, you as survivor of DV are on your own, especially when family and friends are riding in their own Private Idaho.

Domestic Abuse | Signs, Causes and Remedies | Waukesha

Preface: According to band member Kate Pierson, “Private Idaho” was inspired by the feeling of being trapped and isolated, like a prisoner in solitary confinement. The song originated when Pierson had a vision of someone disappearing into themselves and being cut off from the world around them.

Note that in Western Capitalism, so so many people are trapped, self-imposed, sure, but mostly dictated by the oppression, the constant celebrity cult fawning, all those elites lording over the masses; i.e., the 80 percent. Think about all the services (social, mutual aid, support, food, schooling, child rearing, aging, disability) that were not there in the first place in this Number One Nation on Earth Shit-Hole, and those that were there as threadbare services designed to clog and fail … and you get a picture of how lost we are in this putrid world.

Think about domestic abuse, AKA Battered Wife Syndrome. Think about dysfunctional courts, dysfunctional prosecutions, dysfunctional defense attorneys, dysfunctional investigators and more than dysfunctional cops and even victims rights advocates who are to lunch, or just so fearful of rocking the boat they just do the basics or do not stick out their necks for fear of being sent to HR and being put on some fucking PIP — Personal Improvement Plan!

So, when a bloke like me ground truths with one example of one woman in one county dealing with one abuser and one last straw that precipitated calling 911, the world in an oyster is the world all of you readers will engage with at one point in your life struggling to make ends meet, struggling to understand how Capitalism and Patriarchy and Forced Implosion of Services are orchestrated by some of the most sociopathic and mean “leaders” in “society.”


Paul Haeder's been a teacher, social worker, newspaperman, environmental activist, and marginalized muckraker, union organizer. Paul's book, Reimagining Sanity: Voices Beyond the Echo Chamber (2016), looks at 10 years (now going on 17 years) of his writing at Dissident Voice. Read his musings at LA Progressive. Read (purchase) his short story collection, Wide Open Eyes: Surfacing from Vietnam now out, published by Cirque Journal. Here's his Amazon page with more published work Amazon. Read other articles by Paul, or visit Paul's website.