The CIA Propaganda Verse:  Putin’s Ploy in “Context”

I don’t feel safe in this World no more,
I don’t wanna die in a nuclear war,
I wanna sail away to a distant shore
and live like an Apeman

— From the song “Apeman” by the Kinks, 1970

Considering the Chernobyl-like crisis bubbling over Ukraine in recent days, some questions arise like mushroom clouds of steam from tempests in teapots, namely:  Is Vladimir Putin acting like an “Ape, man?”; has this WEF-grad truly gone “rogue”?; and even the “content moderation” set thought that Putin has been –“Horrors!” — ex-communicated from the holier-than-thou Davos Community?  What in the Ukraine is really going on?

According to all of the usual Western Corporate Media sources, Russia’s “incursion” into Ukraine has caused a noticeable spike-protein in “human interest” stories.  As Western economies collapse, suddenly we are seeing fleeing Ukrainians as images of ourselves displaced, with the only explanation offered:  Why would Putin do this?  The real answer, of course, is that Joe “Malarkey” Biden’s been “doing this” for quite some time now; indeed, “Credit Card Country” Joe was most likely an early fan of Putin’s rise to the top of the post-Soviet oligarchical rubbish heap  I do not have the “receipts” here to “prove” this assertion, but word around the campfire has it that Biden pretty much ruled Ukraine after the Maidan coup orchestrated by the United States of America, under the leadership of Barack O’Bushma.  Some circles are saying:  What took Putin so long?

To Obama’s credit, he refused to publicly allocate weapons-systems to Ukraine, stating that a direct military confrontation with Russia was a “No Go, Bro” (This is a paraphrase of Obama’s position, but anyone mildly familiar with Obama’s take on Putin’s Crimea-grab knows that Obama knew he’d already gotten away with “Maidan” murder, so he laid off putting further fingerprints on the case in question, just in case someone else came knocking…).  Then Donald J Trump barged in, imagine that!, and all hell almost broke loose.  Except that — it didn’t.  Business-as-usual reigned, with Donald the Duck awkwardly waltzing before Cameras triggered to his appearance, as if nothing else in the World were happening.

So the “Ukraine Thing” has been going on for a while now, and let’s just give Victoria “Nukeland” her fair share — and balanced — bit of cred in this space. Like Chrystia Freeland in Canada (eh?), “Yats is our guy” Nuland had everything to do with the coup in Kiev in 2014, and she’s now directing U$ foreign relations today “under Biden.”  By the way, for the sake of accuracy, whatever that means anymore, unless you’re a sniper and getting paid for the “kill,” Freeland’s role in the 2014 Ukrainian coup was probably more “spiritual” than anything else; her current activities are much more visceral — and viscerally “twitchy.”  Not to digress, but the recent Canadian Trucker protest was by far the most profound in recent Western history, or:  The Truckers policed their own protest, and didn’t let any “agitators” in.  One wonders:  Where are the LiveStreamers in Ukraine?  Quick answer:  To “Livestream” in Ukraine is to be shot dead, either by invading Russians or neo-nazi-styled Ukrainians.  Putin’s no hero, in case anyone was confused.  He’s just another elite who got caught on the wrong side of a certain “financial” situation.  To date, at least, there is no evidence that Putin was connected to Jeffrey Epstein and his “Lolita Express,” so some of these moral quibbles might be a bit, to say the least, well beyond the realm of Reason.

As an inherently stupid optimist, as all “optimists” inherently are, I prefer to think that the current Ukrainian kerfuffle will not lead to nuclear annihilation of most life on this planet; in fact, that is why I am writing this message.  However, in case it improbably does, I do not want to go out without a flurry, or fine fury, of my own.  We all “own” this Planet that we’re on, regardless of “allegiance.”  We’re all here Now, and have a voice — so many voices!  The Revolutionary Moment might be happening now, and Vladimir Putin’s “crazy” move on Ukraine might be the latest elite attempt to stop it:  Who knows? Putin knows the Forces he’s up against, and maybe Funeral Home Director Xi will back him, or, maybe he won’t?  In any case, the Weapons Industry is profiteering off of this current crisis, which is obviously covering for the fall of the COVID-19 regime that ruled our World for almost two years.  Yes, COVID-19:  Can you see it receding in your rear-view mirror?

I’ve been stream-of-consciousnessing for a bit now; however, this piece is not over.  I am appending a thing I wrote and spoke at an Open Mic forum early in March of 2014, which I think reveals my own bona fides on this issue of Ukraine.  I am no longer “in touch” with the mind behind it, if only because I would have to dig up the notebook at that “time” to find what other thoughts I was thinking, etc.  If you’ve read this far, please indulge me a bit further, into our recently lived past…

Ukraine?  Nyet:  Mykraine! — a Potemkin Village Idiot’s View

Crimea river, if all of this saber-rattling over Ukraine, the former Soviet Union’s bread basket, isn’t enough to give me a migraine!  Ukraine — oof — my Cranium!  Nevertheless, with cold compress applied to head, I shall attempt to analyze this grain of current contention between our famous former Cold War rivals, USA and Russia, who are still strutting their Super-Chicken feathers across the Global Chicken Coop right here and now, early in the 21st century.  Let’s begin with the U$ response.

Secretary of State John Kerry has “ramped up” the rhetoric by labeling Russia’s apparent takeover of the autonomous Ukrainian republic of Crimea an “incredible act of aggression.”  Scary words there, Kerry!  So far, however, no shots have been fired during this “incredible act of aggression.”

And this is not the only barb that Kerry has gotten off his Cold War chest.  On Face the Nation Sunday, Secretary Kerry turned fashion critic, threw down this “barbaric yawp”:

“You don’t just, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on a completely trumped-up pretext.

Well, I’ll be WMD’d in a Jonathan Swift-boat if that’s not the damndest thing that John “W” Kerry could have said!  No word from Russia whether or not they consider Kerry’s current excursion to Kiev an incursion, provocation, invasion, or what.

For their part, the two big Brobdingnaggian states on the scene have held a 90-minute phone conversation on the subject.  Reportedly, president Obama said something like “Vladimir, we must Putin an end to this.”  Ah, yes, Putinenda!  In this context, it occurs to this observer that President Putin could score a serious PR coup by ambassadorizing the heretofore anti-Putin Russian girl band Pussy Riot for the duration of this crisis.  Such a move would certainly throw Secretary “WMD” Kerry a real “Curveball.”  At the inevitable negotiation table, Pussy Riot could simply sing, or say:  “Here’s your old Uncle Charley, Mr Secretary!”– see if he can “Slam Dunk!” that one out of the Park.  (For those who don’t know, “Uncle Charley” is code for the “Curveball” in American baseball; in other words, it’s a wicked pitch, and if you just flailed at it, well, Uncle Charley’s got your number…). By the way, please pardon the mixed metaphor, but they play more basketball than baseball in Russia…

Meanwhile, at Monday’s press conference, Mr Obama unleashed another bold fashion statement, Neo-conically declaring that “Russia is on the wrong side of history on this.”  Well, I’ll be an Obushma if that ain’t “True!”  There has been some significant Super-Power shrinkage since the “Just Say No!” coke-snorting 1980s, when Ronald Reagan infamously labeled the now former “Soviet Union” an “Evil Empire,” a notorious epithet gamely plucked straight out of New Testament Hollywood’s playbook.  What a Playbook:  Can we have a big round of applause for Jesus, or at least the CIA?

Unfortunately, we’ve down-morphed a bit since then, from Holy “Caped Crusader” to global traffic cop, slapping on sanctions like parking tickets.  Of course, the threat of the “overwhelming force” is still with the US, that “nuke-you-lar” vision thing.  At least we can say, in light of moving from the Metaphysics of Sheer Evil to the pragmatics of merely being on the “wrong side,” the hopeful twinkle, perhaps, of a thousandth point of light.

Now, on the behalf of the Congress, House Speaker John Boner (sic — intentionally) has done some chirping, constructively likening the Russian president to a “thug.”  Naturally, many commentators were shocked, and even “awed,” by the Speaker’s concise eloquence here, having pigeon-holed this potential  Presidential-aspirant as a kind of neo-Provincialist unsuited for the rhetorical rigors of the wider international stage.  Au contraire, Mesdames et Messieurs! Way to “thug” up that misperception, M Boner!  As an aside, looking forward, I would like to suggest that House Speaker Boner could further “sex-up” his Street Cred by referring to himself as “J-Bo” from now on.  An obvious campaign slogan:  “It’s Tea Time for J-Bo.”

In conclusion, I believe that this review of key American statements concerning the ongoing crisis over Ukraine can leave no doubt that the US effort in this arena will be nothing if not nuanced — Fair and Nuanced.  Thank you, and dosvedanya!

Todd Smith lives, writes, and observes the Brave New World Order in St. Louis. He can be reached at Read other articles by Todd.