Cakehole, Shut… Your Highness

by Paul Tristram / June 23rd, 2019

The Public Library’s opening times
are down to 2 mornings a week.
The Youth Centre was sold off a 12 month ago,
along with the Skate Park…
both are now Office Blocks,
staffed by people in fancy cars
(First and Second Owners),
who do not live anywhere around here.
Needless to say,
Juvenile Delinquency has rocketed,
ASBO’s have gone through the roof,
and now the Government’s dealing
with monumental Courtroom Legal Aid Fees.
‘The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker’
now only exist in nursery rhymes…
these products are actually purchased
in massive supermarkets outside of Town,
on once rolling Farmlands.
A Free Bus shunts the Poor
over on a Monday morning (Giro Day),
when they have treble the Security Guards working.
But, Prince Charles has shot to the rescue with his
‘Yoga Can Help Relieve Pressure Upon The NHS’
Oh really, Sunshine…
I’ll just take half hour out of my day to try that.
Actually I can’t, I live in a cramped, damp
2 bedroom house on the arse-end of a Council Estate
(Which Even The Milkmen Refuse To Come To).
With a wife who alternates, at lightning speed,
between ‘Anger’ and ‘Depression’,
and three miserable, hysterical children.
I’m out all day, walking (Can’t afford a motor),
to get those precious ‘Signatures’
off potential Employers
who don’t want me anywhere near their buildings,
just to prove that I’m looking for a Job
which I am never going to get anyway…
just so I can continue to be eligible for Benefits.
You know it’s bad, and only getting worse,
when Shoplifters are switching
from selling Designer Clothes to Tinned Meat.
The Crisis Wards in the Mental Hospitals
(Those which are actually still open)
have ‘Waiting Lists’ as long as your arm.
The Local Police Station’s shut of an evening?
and Muggers are having to be
far more choosy and selective in their field of activity.

Paul Tristram is a widely published Welsh writer who deals in the Lowlife, Outsider, and Outlaw genres.  He wrote his first poem as a teenager following his release from the (Infamous) Borstal ‘HMP Portland’, and he has been creating Literary Terrorism ever since.  His novel ‘Crazy Like Emotion’ is available to purchase right here . Also his collection of shorter fiction Kicking Back Drunk ‘Round The Candletree Graves' is available to purchase at https://bookgoodies.com/a/B0DFMTSR4F Both books are published by Close To The Bone Publishing. Read other articles by Paul, or visit Paul's website.

This article was posted on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019 at 8:03am and is filed under Poetry.