Operation Goodnight

It started on Close Hill in Redruth in 2008.
They brought it in as a Voluntary New Scheme,
which you were penalized for,
if you did not participate in,
and your child was seen out on the street
(Even behaving themselves) after 9pm.
Now, it’s coming to our Estate this Summer,
there isn’t even any Teenage Anti-Social Behaviour,
our kids don’t shit where they eat and sleep.
We’re all in each others pockets ‘round here,
everyone knows, and watches out for each other.
Problems are sorted out on ‘The Green’
just like they’ve always been for generations…
no Police are called by a Resident, ever.
So why us, all of a sudden, eh?
They’re sneaky Bastards, they’ve learnt from it,
they can watch the entire Estate, Adults an all,
under the guise of this ‘Pioneering Initiative’…
they’ll openly ‘Invade’ and ‘Surveillance’
the entire Area, we’ll all be like ‘Fish in a Barrel’
We’re right at the arse-end of one of the poorest
Districts in the County, everyone’s skint.
The Council keep moving (What-They-Call)
‘Problem/Nuisance Families’ on Last Warnings
from nicer places over onto our little Gaff.
Every (Of Age) man is unemployed (On Paper)
except Stan the City Road Sweeper,
and that Maureen the Apprentice Hairdresser.
Obviously, there’s all sorts of nocturnal goings-on,
two-ings and fro-ings, dodgy-dealings,
you scratch my back and all that old kack, innit.
Some of the girls walking the Main Street
at the front of the Estate by the Flyover bridge,
they’ll be knackered now, and most have Habits,
what Punter’s gonna drive down yuh with all this?
You can imagine what the Old Bill Presence will be like,
everyone’ll be drinking and brooding from indoors…
I predict it ‘Going Off’ big time on the 3rd or 4th night.
I’ll be getting Her-At-Home to bring back
some marshmallows with me Special Brew…
ready to roast on the first upturned, burning Riot Van.

Paul Tristram is a widely published Welsh writer, who’s currently up to his elbows in Magic, and long may it remain this way. Read other articles by Paul, or visit Paul's website.