Lovely War

(A poem about Juvenile Diabetes)

I promise to never leave you
and I know you’ll do the same,
I feel as though I need you,
my strange pleasure, my lovely pain.
I was a teen when you came into my life,
uninvited like a lunging pike.
Yet somehow you gave me something real,
something tangible,
something eternal in this life.

We were made for each other
like souls are made to live forever,
since the age of thirteen intertwined
as winter climbed into spring,
I was an empty canteen
waiting to be filled by the world
shaping me with opinion and perception.
Then you came like a barrel blast
giving me feelings of rejection.
The feeling of hospital sheets
scratching my skin.
Dwindling in a world alone
like a boy lost a thousand miles from home.
Woven into my being, becoming
who I thought I was at a time when
my self-concept was just a seed.

Your invasion hit me
like starving canons,
Blasting my fingertips
with finger pricks,
Quaking my body
into its worst shape,
Pale complexion, chest burned,
Feasting on my stomach
ambushing self-love
until I fell head first.

I thought I was an Ironclad,
Indestructible, unshakable, built to last,
But somehow you breached my surface
and now I’m the hunted.
My heartbeat erratic, for this war
that grows shows no end,
I’m but a war worn soldier
in dire need of drink and bread,
Yet here we are you and me
destined to be, the two of us
will never change.
You came looking for me,
But all you found was resistance,
And I shunned you for years
not acknowledging your existence.
Stubbornness on both sides
of the battlefield
showering the land
with deafening battle cries.
Until time wore out my strength
and you lunged at me
splitting my insides
with your bayonet blade.

Matthew J. Lawler is a poet and Chicago native. He has been published in numerous literary journals, including, The Miscreant, Sick Lit Magazine, Caravel, Visual Verse, Unlost, Tuck Magazine, People's Tribune, forthcoming in an anthology( The Best Emerging Poets of Illinois) by Z Publishing. He lives to write and writes to live. You can find him on Facebook at Read other articles by Matthew J..