The Nourishing Red Turds

Author’s Note: While visiting South America, Pope Francis called unfettered capitalism the
“Dung of the Devil”, The Telegraph (online); July 10, 2015.

*****

All day long, I (Beelzebub) have been busy
at work inside Hell’s Master bathroom.
Like humans do, when bowels stall,
I patiently peruse de Bono’s book,
“How to get rich in America in 30 easy steps.”
Luckily, back in 1905,
with “insider” Wall Street tip,
I invested heavily in Ex Lax
and presently have endless supply
of pure red dung, available for use by
the planet’s “unfettered capitalist”
marketing departments.

Look, look, Francis, it’s harvest time
in the Fields of Dung,
and #1 son, Commodus, is paymaster!

Seated perfectly upon Golden Commode,
I tighten stomach muscles, grimace in pleasure.
No doubt I get exhausted at times…,
to devour human souls is ‘hard, hard work,’
and one might reasonably inquire,
“How can dung feed so many Greeks and Spaniards?”
Ummph, oomph, I feel grand discharges coming!
So stand aside City of God, and recall how
a foolish Russian once wrote about
“The History of Our Sewage Disposal System,”1
and realize I’m ready to dump all over Earth,
’till the end of Imodium caplet time.

Hear, hear, Jesuit Francis, the hypocrite,
how late you are come to malign my House?
Give me all your dirty minded Catholics –
including open ones, Republicans,
lapsed ones too… for my abode even has room
for northern white rhinos, the Trappists too.
I am the builder of City slums!
Gone are sanitary waste treatment systems,
and as to the Vatican electric Light bill payment?
(Sigh) Centuries overdue.
But O how I love you Rome…, flush, flush
away all your sins, let commingle with mine!

  1. Chapter 2 from Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago []
Charles Orloski lives in Taylor, Pa. He can be reached at: ChucktheZek@aol.com. . Read other articles by Charles.