Fifty Shades of Gray’s Inn?*

Author’s Note: Three British judges have been sacked for viewing pornography on their court computers

If you appear in court today,
Charged with a beastly crime;
You may well recognise the Judge,
With whom you’ll do your time!
He could this time be sat upon,
The dock side of the bench;
As viewing porn’s caused quite a stir,
And a judicial stench.

We used to think someone who wore,
A judge’s powdered wig;
Was a self-righteous citizen,
And something of a prig.
But now we know the truth of things,
That a small group of them;
Are into gross depravity,
Including S.& M.!

So if there’s a large ball and chain,
Installed inside your cell;
You’ll know they’ve bondage on their mind,
And you’re in for real hell.
As a guest of Her Majesty,
It’s bad enough in jail;
But being spanked whilst slopping-out,
Is quite beyond the pail!

*Gray’s Inn is one of the four London Inns of Court, the professional associations for lawyers.

Richard is a poet and amateur blues harmonica player who lives in the seaside town of Clacton on England's east coast. He's had approximately 70 poems published in England and Wales as well as a number of articles. He can be reached at: Read other articles by Richard.