A Fugging Scam!

Author’s Note: The BBC TV programme ‘Fake Britain’, exposed the non-tax paying bootleg cigarette industry


For Britain’s straight tobacco firms,
Fake cigs must be a drag;
That cause their top executives,
To reach for one more fag,
Or if they’re hardened pipe men to,
Light-up strong Navy shag.

Production of fake fags could be,
The sectors coffin-nail;
As pirates shun Virginia tar,
For tar sands from oil shale,
Plus sawdust soaked in paraffin,
For smokers to inhale!

So all you smoking-shelter buffs
Each with a throaty rasp;
Say no to freezing wind and rain,
It’s really time to grasp,
A pack of real or fake fags could,
Soon bring on your last gasp!

It’s time those with a smoker’s cough,
Hooked on the filthy weed;
Stubbed out their gaspers as of now,
To do the daring deed.
Remember giving up will help,
Snuff out the pirate’s greed!

Roll-up, to see the ghost within,
The cigarette machine;
The industry might just flake out,
Without real nicotine,
Although by then the Treasury,
Would likely intervene.

The pirates run smoke-rings around,
Tobacco’s Industry;
Acquiring profits but they don’t,
Pay tax for you and me,
To fund the good old NHS
In treating the ‘Big C’!

Richard is a poet and amateur blues harmonica player who lives in the seaside town of Clacton on England's east coast. He's had approximately 70 poems published in England and Wales as well as a number of articles. He can be reached at: richard-layton@zen.co.uk. Read other articles by Richard.