Exclusive: Con Test

Call For Submissives!
Feb 14, 2015


Bill Harvey’s Bar and Grill
1600 Cord Meyer Avenue
Angleton, NJ 00799


The literary anthology, Mishuga Americansher Zeitung, (MAZ) is now accepting submissions of fiction, nonfiction, water, non-water, prose-in-verse-format (“poetry”), photography, graphic design and art for its 2015 publication.

Wrote a buncha stuff? Took real nasty photos of your drunken friends? Send it to /dev/null!

All con artists, lewd photographers, Beaten writers, Beaten poets, Beaten, stupefied, clueless creeps, ghouls, graphomaniacs, sylvanicides and blabber-mouths are invited to submit entries celebrating the writer as artist, though submissions are not limited to this theme. In fact, we prefer submissions to have no theme at all, just in case someone comes up with an idea, concept, opinion or other crazy shit that might get us in trouble with Homeland Security or the cops.

MAZ is a digital dexterity publication containing works of check-writers and scam-artists from across the nation. The book has been published biannually by The Federation of Inanity, Paranoia and Ridiculous Notions since 1989.

Reading and submissive fee $10 (that’s the one with Hamilton’s kisser on the front) for four-hundred prose-pieces in verse format pretending to be poems, up to sixty indecent, perverse photos or illustrations or up to 200,000 words of fiction. Student entry fee $5 (the one with Lincoln). Marks, rubes and suckers with work selected receive a complimentary copy of /dev/null!

Deadline May 1. For more information email editor and master sushi chef, Adam Engel, at gro.eciovtnedissid.wennull@mada

Submissive Guidelines:

If you can read this, you too might qualify to be fleeced.

1. Print this document.

2. Attach ten dollar bill (Hamilton) or, for students with proof of debt, five dollar bill (Lincoln). Due to high volume of submissives, small staff, and our tax-exempt, non-profit status, only non-traceable cash bills will be accepted. No singles (Washington), please: bulky envelopes are deemed highly suspicious – and inviting — by USPS employees teetering on the precipice of ‘postal.’

3. Send to:

Bill Harvey’s Bar and Grill
1600 Cord Meyer Avenue
Angleton, NJ 00799

4. Wait – patiently – for our response.

5. Find something constructive to do in the mean-time, i.e. don’t bother innocent people with your creative light; they prefer to live in darkness, trust us.

Adam Engel lived for your sins -- and he lived well! -- in Fear-and-Trembling, Brooklyn, one of the last gangrenous toes of NYC not yet severed and replaced with a prosthetic gentrification device. Engel has traveled the farthest regions of cyberspace, where Dark-matter meets Doesn't-matter; and Anti-matter, despite its negative connotation and dour point-of-view, excercises rights of expression protected by Richard Stallman's GNU/Free Software Foundation and CopyLeft agreement, if nobody and nothing else. Having spent many years studying Boobus Americanus (Summum Ignoramus), allegedly the most intelligent mammal on earth -- after its distant relative, Homo Sapiens -- in various natural habitats (couch, cubicle, bar-stool, ball-game -- televised or 'real-time') -- Engel has thus far related his observations of and experiences with this most dangerous of predators in three books -- Topiary, Cella Fantastik, and I Hope My Corpse Gives You the Plague (the combined international sales of which have reached literally dozens, perhaps as many as seventy, with projected revenue to top three digits by decade's end! Truly a publishing phenomenon). Engel is Associate Editor of Time Capsule Books, a division of Oliver Arts & Open Press, published in limited editions for a tiny, highly specified, though eclectic, target-audience: people who actually read books. He can be reached at adam@new.dissidentvoice.org Read other articles by Adam, or visit Adam's website.