American Capitalism

Every kid has heard the story of the three little pigs, well it’s about time they heard the more important story of— the ten little pigs.

It’s a sad story, with what so far has been a sad ending; for nine of the little pigs started out in life wanting to be socialists, those who shared their food with each other and worked for the common good amongst each other, while the last little pig grew up wanting to be a fat, greedy, no-good capitalist, one who hoarded all the food and wealth that he could–just for himself.

Being that the greedy capitalist pig wanted to keep all of his wealth, he wisely took control of the media so as to manipulate the news amongst the other nine pigs. This was brilliant on his part for in no time he had all the other pigs fighting amongst themselves for the scraps that fell from the big pig’s table.

Soon, even the word “socialist” became seen by almost half of the pigs as a dirty word to be called. Why? Because the fat, greedy pig spread the rumor that it was. He told all the other pigs over and over that the socialists were just a lazy bunch of pigs that refused to work for their food and then expected the capitalist pig to share his with them.

His argument against “spreading the food around” amongst all the pigs fell on fertile ears with those pigs who wanted to be “rich” just like him. So these greedy pigs joined him in demonizing any pig who dared to talk of sharing the food. The system of capitalism was far superior to socialism they snorted as they continued to fight amongst each other for the limited food that was available. All a pig had to do to make it in this world was work hard, pray to that big pig in the sky, and in no time, they too would soon be living in hog heaven. And if they didn’t, well, it was their own damn fault–for they must not have worked hard enough.

But as the rich, fat, greedy, bastard of a pig continued to accumulate more and more wealth, the poor, hungry and homeless pigs continued to suffer more and more under this great system that was called capitalism. A system that allowed the one pig to have more wealth than all the other pigs had combined.

But then one day a strange thing happened.

Waking up cold and hungry under a bridge where a few of the pigs slept, one of the more radical pigs (they called him Ralph) yelled out “this is bullcrap.” Why should we have to live in such degraded conditions while the rich pig lives high on the hog? We should join together and “demand” that we get a fair share of the wealth.

Now as it was the other pigs agreed with Ralph wholeheartedly, any system that could allow such misery had to be wrong. But groveling in the mud where they lay, they just didn’t believe that anything could be done to change it. The big pig would surely have us all thrown in the pen if we protested, they grumbled.

“Yes, that he probably will” bellowed Ralph, “so we’ll just have to make sure that it costs him more than it costs us for him to do so. We all know how much he hates to lose money.”

“So what do have in mind?” asked the other pigs.

“We’re going to shut the system down–that’s what I have in mind.”

Well, sure enough, that’s just what those socialist pigs did and the sizzling smell of bacon soon became but a distant memory for a “Pork Rebellion” had spread across the land.

“If the skinny pigs have to suffer, so will the fat pig” snorted Ralph. And that is exactly what began to happen as the stock price on pork bellies fell to pennies on the dollar from what they once were worth.

The high hog himself was losing millions in profit each day and he knew that if the rebellion were to continue much longer he’d be ruined.  So as a last resort he brokered a secret deal with the leaders of the two leading political parties–The Demahogs and the Republipigs. Promising them both wealth beyond their wildest dreams if they would only “call off the hogs” he wasn’t too surprised when they quickly joined forces with him.

And thus ended the great Pork Rebellion.

And what happened to all of those brave pigs who gave their lives to make the earth a better place to live? Most of them, having had their spirits crushed by this rigged system called capitalism; they became compliant members of one of the two great political parties.

And radical Ralph? Having been once viewed as a pig to be reckoned with, he still had a few followers, but Ralph slowly faded off into obscurity only to be heard from every four years or so.

And the moral to this story?

If you’re tired of being treated with disrespect, quit wallowing in the mud like a pig and …RISE UP!

Marty Zupan is a a foundry worker from Seattle. He can be reached at Read other articles by Marty.