President Palin

Is America ready for a Palin presidency? Not, are you ready. Not, are the majority of the people ready. It is; are the American people sufficiently confused and misled so that a pure, pliable figurehead can be installed by the economic elite? I would like to answer no, but cannot.

Dispensing immediately with the obvious: G.W. Bush was a figurehead president, just not pure and completely pliable. His connection with his powerful dynastic family and his own pathologies limited his usefulness. Obama is a figurehead, though more on his own terms. He is acceptable as an antidote to the poison of the Bush presidency, but too willful and broadly hubristic to serve all the wishes of the elite with the desired alacrity.

Palin is perfect. A shallow person, with the unreflective, narrow pridefulness and arrogance needed to believe herself capable of discharging the office, but ultimately aware at some level that she has no ideas and that others will run things as they see fit… and she is naturally lazy; all hat and no cattle, and she just loooovvees showing off the hat.

I don’t think that the manufacturers of political wisdom and talent, the Roves and the Luntzs, will try her this time around, but the following is the fantasy:

A look inside the mind of a psychopathic political manipulator – you may picture Karl Rove if you like – “Black guy as president, economy in trouble, high unemployment, unpopular wars, social confusion and unrest… and we still have abortion, God and the homos to dick around with. Then there’s our candidate list; can’t really see how to get the lipstick on that pig: divorces with prejudice, flip-floppers, egomaniacs and just maniacs… maybe it’s time to just go for it. I’ll check with the C of C and the other boys, but this may be it.”

After checking with ‘the boys’ and working on the possibility of manufacturing the needed image from the available raw materials; “Sarah is going to be just right. We only need 20 sound bites and a simple stump speech, she can learn those; it’ll be just like the question period of a beauty contest. We’ll parade her around the country half the time to the rodeo and NASCAR crowd; the other half to American Idol, Fox news and talk radio; and the other half to the staged “intellectual” events, but only half as much as the others.

“Let’s see, positives: great looking and old enough to seem mature. She’s got the come-hither and watch-out-bud looks on command, cuts in half the need to know the international situation. Good physical presence, moves well; we can use that. Socially fearless – useful but dangerous unless managed; loves the spotlight and glows under adoration: This is contagious with the crowd.

“Never been divorced. The new baby thing seems to be neutralized and the Dems aren’t likely to go for blood on that stuff anyway – still, better have a spot or two prepared. The protective mother thing can be worked, but gotta get away from the mother bear angle, too… sort of smelly and individual. Mother loves you all, a national mother; something more like that; can work in the bear strength a little, but not so much the claws ripping hikers to pieces thing.

“The name is good: Sarah Palin. Little House On The Prairie. President Palin. She’d look great in a sunbonnet.

“Negatives, wow! No experience, no appropriate knowledge, not especially bright, family history like Peyton Place (I can see it now from the Dems– for the older folks – references to Palin Place), but might work the ‘everyman’ angle, long suffering mother thing. She’s lazy, ambitious yes, but not an 18 to 20 hour a day worker. High maintenance, will need a team of professional sycophants.

“She quit as governor of Alaska in the middle of her first term after having been the major of Tiny Town where she was fiscally irresponsible (please, give me the job of playing something like that up in my opposition)… get 30 guys working on that spin this minute.

“The bouncy, bubbly thing can only go so far especially when about all that’s left is Mean Girl. Got to get ‘sincere and caring’ going – maybe with actors and a little selected footage of Sarah looking wholesome – she always seems to smirk at just the wrong moment; and some Goddamned liberal media photographer will get it.

“But compared to the rest she’s pretty good and she’s perfect as a figurehead. The C of C and the boys will supply all the ranch hands needed to run the cattle and Sarah, uh, President Palin, will wear the hat with style.”

So I ask you, are the American people ready to be rolled, rolled finally and completely out of democracy and fully into an unrecoverable plutocracy? If Palin is run for president, then you can be sure that the US Chamber of Commerce and the boys believe we are.

James Keye is the nom de plume of a retired academic and small businessman living with an Ecological Footprint of 1.6 earths. He can be reached at Read other articles by James, or visit James's website.