How About Some Royal Wedding Austerity?

Writing this piece I did something that I usually don’t do. I did absolutely no research. I simply refuse to. I’m pretty sure that it might make me blow a blood vessel in my head. My comments stem from the onslaught of pure useless chatter that I have received as an unwilling vessel. The information I speak of is that of the upcoming Royal Wedding. This nonsense has found its way to me even with diligent avoidance on my part as I’m sure it has found its way to you.

From what I understand the wedding is to take place this weekend; I know this because every damn time I am near a television a cutesy little graphic shows 4.29.11 (yeah, I know that’s not how the Brits write their days — this is US television) In the background music is playing that I would sooner use for ambiance in a torture chamber, but I guess it fits. I do think 12.21.12 would look much better on the graphics. That’s a day for a wedding! Sadly it looks like this rich mess will air for us on television even here in the States. I’m curious if the usual cash for gold, pawn shop, and payday lender commercials will get some sweet air time during this magnificence.

I won’t discuss the blatant disregard for the world financial meltdown in progress (whoops I guess I just did). Perhaps this ostentatious display is fitting circus for our feudal slide. Don’t worry and don’t get angry, our time will come in the hereafter. Isn’t that the dogma that paired up with this kind of gross spectacle in the past? Perhaps a running scrawl during the ceremony can indicate as such.

In the splendid run up to this shindig I found out quite innocently that this poor Kate was bullied in school. I was taken aback. That’s it…. she’s just like us, other than the massive officially sanctioned parasitism. Just like us. Hogwart’s really does need to put an end to the bullying and maybe Kate’s story will help.

It’s a shame that a kid who is bullied here probably doesn’t have a whole lot of recourse. They have one public school to go to (and heaven forbid your mom try to get you in a better school district if you don’t live there). Your best option is to just hope for a better school in the afterlife. But other than that, just like Kate.

I’m not going on this tirade to simply grouch on the Brits. It’s our MSM that wants to shove these nuptials down our throats. It’s easy, mindless coverage. I do wish they’d have a pro versus anti Royal Wedding panel the way they frame everything else. I might watch that, but as far as I know the coverage is pretty much pro only. I am available should they change their format.

I know that we have had our own egregious displays of wedding wealth here in the US. Didn’t Chelsea Clinton’s wedding-palooza set some records? But I don’t think it was (thankfully) covered quite as heavily as this wedding of the day. As we descend further and further into have and have nots we may be looking at ongoing coverage for any super wealthy wedding, though, not just royals.

I know I can’t wait to see what the Koch’s can come up with. A Koch wedding could be covered by all the MSM and we could get to know that underneath the slime and pollution they are just as cuddly as their Angel Soft toilet paper.

When we become completely and firmly desensitized to obscene displays of wealth then perhaps we could even catch Donald Trump’s next wedding (I know he’s married now, but come on-you know there will be another one). We could enjoy the garish spectacle of it all. Maybe even comment if the bride in her plaid schoolgirl outfit looks like “first lady material”.

Weddings are always something of a silly affair, grown princesses of all stripes making others do the pedestrian and expected. Choosing colors (like a high school prom) and such, all very goofy, but not terribly noxious if kept on a small scale.

But there’s a very comical aspect to glorifying Royal unions when one thinks of the history of such affairs. One thing was probably true, Henry VIII antics made for excellent distraction. A new wedding every season or so!

It really is beyond bad taste to so publicly consume in the style of this wedding when so many are seeing their own life quality erode. We are living in a time when a mural showing (egad) the plight of workers in Maine gets taken down because of an anonymous internet complaint! I believe there was one guy who complained, anyway. I’m pretty sure the Maine governor wasn’t the one who sent himself the complaint. Well, actually I do think it was him, but I digress.

Anyway, this garish spectacle offends me, but I don’t see any hope of bringing it down! No outrage from the little folks truly counts. Just sit back and have this dollop of inequity and stupidity forced down your throat.

I’m complaining quite a lot, but there is one thing I am most grateful for. As far as I know the honeymoon is not going to be aired on anything but pay per view.

Kathleen Wallace Peine welcomes reader response. She can be reached at: Read other articles by Kathleen.