GOP Should Boycott Super Bowl 45

(Unless They're Republicans in Name Only)

If you’re a Republican, the New Year started out right. The Republican leader in the Senate said that his primary goal was to keep President Obama from getting re-elected, the GOP shills for the insurance lobby are going after health care reform and the conservative playbook for 2011 features several plans for getting around Wall Street rules and watering down EPA requirements. These ideas are all well and good for a return to business as usual, but they lack sex appeal.

What the GOP needs is a mandate. Without collapsing buildings in the background, terror alerts, gays to bash or brain-dead citizens to convene over and save in the middle of the night, Republicans just don’t have much mojo.

The good news is they seem a little saner. The bad news is conservative sanity is unpopular with their core constituency. But don’t fret. I have a suggestion.

For the last year or so, I’ve heard Republicans catalogue, exaggerate and fabricate the horrors of socialism. And I’ve listened to them complain and moan about the counter-productiveness of organized labor and how the bail-out of the auto industry wouldn’t have been necessary if not for the greedy unions and how public pension funds wouldn’t be approaching insolvency if it weren’t for those no-good unions, etc., etc. Republicans don’t like unions. Unions redistribute wealth.

Back in the day, organized labor negotiated for safe work places, forced the creation of child labor laws and secured higher wages, eight hour work days, vacations and medical and retirement benefits. Unions practically created the middle class, but they have been a thorn in the side of the prosperous and propertied from the very beginning. Now Republicans plan to use our current economic straits to vilify unions and reduce their influence, but what they need is an opening act.

On February 6, North Texas will be the perfect backdrop for a bold Republican stance. On that date, Arlington will host what may turn out to be the biggest exhibition of organized labor in U.S. history. One hundred and six Commie-red union men (from Green Bay and Pittsburgh) will be flying in to ply their wares in helmets and pads at Cowboy Stadium in Super Bowl 45, and most of the nation will be watching.

Right now, as we speak, the NFL owners and the NFL Players Association are on a collision course for a March lock-out. In fact, the NFL Players Association features a countdown to the lock-out on its website. The owners say they’re making less money. The players say attendance and revenues are up.

Meanwhile, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has formed an NFL Political Action Committee and contributed $600,000 to government officials to get them to help in the fight against unions and the NFL Players Association in particular. The NFL has also created a $900 million dollar fund to tide the poor, struggling owners over while the battle rages.

At this point there are tens of thousands of Republicans who have unknowingly purchased tickets, parking passes, stadium suites, etc. to this un-American, unionized event and no doubt want to clear their names.

How could they have known they’d be cheering organized labor? How could they have known that they were subsidizing the NFL’s union shop?

The Super Bowl offers local Republicans an opportunity to show the world what they stand for. As faithful conservatives, they can’t support or attend the Super Bowl because it’s an embarrassing spectacle of Marxist ideology in their own back yard. As local champions of the free market they must stand up for their principles and stick to their guns.

On the night of this travesty, Republicans could just stay home. Empty stands would definitely send a message. But think of the glory and renown they could achieve if they actually went to the stadium and picketed the NFL Players Association in full view.

Wouldn’t that send a stronger message?

Or what if they showed up at the stadium en force and burned their tickets and parking passes in the tailgating area. This would demonstrate their resolve. This would restore their mojo.

No Republican in good conscience can go to or watch Super Bowl 45. Record attendance and TV ratings will prove the players union’s point. If you’re a Republican or a conservative, you can’t be a party to this concession. It would make you a shameless hypocrite.

Show us you’re not Republicans in name only. Stay home for what you believe in or torch your tickets.

This is just the beginning. Professional basketball, baseball and hockey will be next.

Native Texan E.R. Bills is the author of Texas Obscurities: Stories of the Peculiar, Exceptional and Nefarious and Texas Oblivion: Mysterious Disappearances, Escapes and Cover-Ups. Read other articles by E.R..

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  1. bozh said on January 26th, 2011 at 9:52am #

    ok, ok, there r republicans aaaand democrats in the region. but aren’t there also onepercenters? the real rulers of the region?
    fully supported by the same-thining christianity? and supported by people who chant God Bless America!!
    what just that chant or mantra means? i think every pashtun, iraqi, pal’n knows in hisher bones what that means! tnx