I forgot to pay my phone bill
So they shut off my phone.
So when I saw the Terrorist
Assembling his bomb
I couldn’t make the call
To Homeland Security.
So the bomb went off
Under powerful noses
That harrumphed and snorted
We were under attack
By alien forces
And,
Only absolute curtailment
Of freedom of speech
Would win ultimate victory
(After the obligatory
Twilight struggle).
So they closed all the schools
And sent the kids packing
To watch real-time and re-runs
Of “American Idol,”
Certain of congealing
Public opinion
For the sake of supporting
Whatever the judges
Judged worthy of judging.
Meanwhile, back at the piazza,
On reality TV,
Someone killed someone
In real life,
While the cameras were rolling,
But everyone forgave him
Because he was a good team player
Who just really wanted,
For the good of the team,
To win one for the Gipper.
The President gave a speech and said
We should all lend a hand
And we would get through it
Because we are Americans
And that’s what we do.
Somebody launched
A nuclear missile
Straight at Iran
Which then sank some ships
That blocked up the Gulf.
Gas shot up
To ten bucks a gallon
And half the stooges
At the town hall meetings,
Happy with their insurance,
(And to hell with the rest of us!)
Died of swine flu anyway
(And the other half died
Of the vaccines),
But so did a lot of glaze-eyed kids
In the middle of voting for
Their “American Idol.”
The stock market crashed
Just like ‘29,
It took wheelbarrows of bucks
To buy Coca Cola
And the radio nuts
Blamed it all
On Mexican liberals
Crossing our borders.
I’ve been wondering lately
Should I pay off my bills?
But I haven’t decided
Whose side I’m on!
Am I with’em
Or agin’em,
Am I blue state or red,
Am I better off hoping
Or better off dead?
This world’s a delusion,
A junkie’s chimera,
A vampire’s kiss
Hissing in a cavern,
Pissing in the wind.
For the sake of a dollar,
A ribboned medallion,
We die for our country,
Kill for sweet liberty
As defined by,
As circumscribed by,
As constrained by,
Straight-jacketed by
Power and fear,
Glory and cupidity.
Maybe heaven
Is about starting over
With a fresh deck
Where the dice aren’t loaded.
Maybe it’s helping
Where it’s most needed,
With nothing ulterior,
Truth out in the open.
Hail, Mary, full of grace. …
Hail, Caesar,
We who are about to die
Salute you.
Heil! Heil! Heil!