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Pass the Smelling Salts: Eric Alterman is Out Cold
by The Glorious Revolutionary Federation of Fortune 500 Killers
September 25, 2004

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Eric Alterman, as many of you know, is a drowsy-smarmy pundit-weasel -- a Bill O'Reilly for confused liberals. If he is not on the cable news networks whining about his meager book sales, or boasting of his Stanford Ph.D., you can find this obnoxious wonk in the pages of The Nation, usually with bi-weekly attacks on Ralph Nader.

Recently, in an article for the aforementioned magazine of the bourgeois Morningside Heights liberal elite, Alterman, probably a bit distressed about his candidate's inability to pull his act together, went so far as to call Nader an “idiot.”  Alterman snarls at Nader for refusing to accept any responsibility for the horrors of the Bush Administration.

Alterman, like a thumb sucking brat, is still grasping on tightly (and desperately) to the notion that Nader stole the 2000 election from the clutches of Al Gore and the pathetic Democrats. In Alterman's universe, it is all Nader's fault. Forget that hundreds of thousands of registered Democrats voted for Bush. That was Nader's doing. Not the Democrats. Forget that virtually every leading Democrat supported Bush’s war, forest plan, tax cuts, Patriot Act, Homeland Security bill, $87 billion occupation handout, and prescription drug bill. It’s that damn Nader. All Nader. Always Nader! Not the Democrats. Never them.

Whether or not one agrees with Nader's decision to run this year, the left should concur that Democrats deserve the competition. They have asked for it. Had the Dems actually challenged Bush at all these past four years Nader would have no reason to run. Had Kerry stood arm-in-arm with the protesters on the streets prior to the Iraq invasion, as he did upon his Vietnam return, Nader would most likely not be in the race. The Democrats could have stopped this war. They had the power. They could have challenged Ashcroft's Patriot Act, portions of which were written by John “I Committed War Crimes and Am Tough on Terror Too” Kerry. They blew that too. And who is surprised? Perhaps just flak Alterman and his fellow clones, who still believes that all sin is Republican in origin.

Alterman, with his history degree in hand, must have missed the chapter on the 1990s: Clinton's welfare reform, NAFTA, the US-backed Iraq sanctions, the Antiterrorism and Effective Death Penalty Act, the salvage logging rider, Al Gore's derailment of Kyoto, along with the increased funding for Israel, and the war in Yugoslavia, just to name a few of the more egregious items. The Federation supposes little Eric thinks this is Nader's fault too.

It was nice not having to hear Alterman and other elite liberals whine about Nader spoiling the 2002 elections, when the Democrats lost control of the Senate all by their lonesome. The pitiful Democrats have been doing a pretty bang up job of self-destructing on their own lately. Why will 2004 be any different?

Somebody should pass the smelling salts.  This Alterman twit must be out cold.

(end communiqué)

The Glorious Revolutionary Federation of Fortune 500 Killers is an anti-racist, anti-capitalist student insurgent group based at Columbia University. For more information, e-mail Visit their website at:

Other Statements by the GRFF500K

* Endorsement of Ralph Nader “With Enthusiasm”
* On Civil Liberties Myopia
* Stop Facile Attacks on Nader, Says Federation
* Statement on the Idiotic Logic of Michael Moore
* On Pointless No-RNC Protests
* On the Death of Ronald Reagan
* Iraq, Uzbekistan and Hypocrisy
* Air America Radio: Democratic Party Business as Usual