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The Political Descent of Mankind
by Zbignew Zingh
November 29, 2004

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Anthropologists' recent discovery of a new branch in the origins of humankind is rewriting our understanding of evolution.

Homo floresiensis, a small-brained, proto-human that apparently lived on the islands of Indonesia as recently as several hundred years ago, walked upright, used basic tools and, according to local legend, had the ability to simulate human speech by “parroting” words without actual comprehension.

Most anthropologists believe that homo floresiensis became extinct and only a skeletal record of their existence remains. A minority of anthropologists, however, particularly those in the field of political anthropology, are convinced that homo floresiensis did not go extinct.

“In fact,” says Dr. Friedrich Nudelmann who is the chair of the political anthropology department at the Spukenheim Universität of Wahlgestohlen-Pferdapfel, “the evidence is overwhelming that this distant relative of homo sapiens sapiens has flourished and continues to thrive right under our noses.”

Dr. Nudelmann notes that while it may be difficult to obtain definitive DNA proof for his contention, the anecdotal and empirical evidence prove that homo floresiensis walk among us today.

“Look at this diagram,” says Dr. Nudelmann as he points to the large map that hangs on his office wall. “In the United States, in particular, you can see large swaths of the country, the so-called “red states”, where it is obvious to even the untrained eye that the majority of the voting population are small-brained creatures who are incapable of even the most rudimentary ability to think.” Dr. Nudelmann then tapped his pointer gently on the metropolis of Washington D.C. “I suspect,” he said clicking his tongue, “that Mr. Bush, your current President, has a strong homo floresiensis pedigree that accounts for his peculiarly small brain and his tendency to repeat words without comprehension, much like a parrot. His father was like that, too, you know,” whispered Dr. Nudelmann with an insightful nod.

Dr. Nudelmann's theory has sparked a debate among political anthropologists around the globe where many have long asserted that humankind is certainly not a single life form, but comprised of many sub-species of homo sapiens sapiens.

Two such sub-species, according to classical political anthropology theory, are homo deceptis deceptis and homo kleptograndis. Whereas one of the true evolutionary advantages of homo sapiens sapienswas its ability to lie, deceive, trap and trick other animals such that it might thrive at their expense, homo deceptis deceptis evolved the ability to deceive itself and others of its own specie. This peculiarly advantageous characteristic has allowed homo deceptis deceptisto thrive as politicians, televangelists and news/entertainment talking heads, especially during the early years of the Twenty-first Century when the lack of any sense of ethics, shame and honesty has been highly prized. Likewise, another specie, homokleptograndis, has colonized large swaths of Wall Street. This near relative of the human race is often found as directors and officers of the world's largest multinational corporations. Most examples of homo kleptograndis have unusually long fingers that they use for filching money, and they typically also have a peculiar form of tunnel vision that prevents them from seeing anything other than their short-term goals. They are sometimes found to coexist with homo capitalisticus, an intelligent, but otherwise also distinct race of sub-humans.

Homo capitalisticus and homo deceptis deceptis, although they have a similar morphology in common with ordinary human beings, share a strong genealogical connection with another living human dinosaur, americalithicus imperialisticus. Americalithicus imperialisticus actually has a large metallic exo-skeleton that people sometimes mistake for an SUV. Whereas regular human beings are omnivores that eat meat and vegetables, americalithicus imperialisticus are cannibals. They tend to consume everyone and everything that gets in their way, including their own children and the children of others. Americalithicus imperialisticus also tend to consume large quantities of crude oil and high explosives. Americalithicus imperialisticus seems to prey mostly on java man and sheeple americalithicus.

Java man is a race that spends most of its time blissfully sipping milk-diluted, overpriced coffee, drinking low calorie beer and going shopping. This poor creature is utterly oblivious to the predations of americalithicus imperialisticus. In addition to java man, sheeple americalithicus, in particular, forms a large part of the carnivorous diet of americalithicus imperialisticus. Although the sheeple seem to believe that they are the world's top dogs”, they are utterly incapable of recognizing that, in reality, they are mere “dog food” in the food chain of the predator species that leads and feeds on them.

Whereas homo sapiens sapiens first congregated in caves, and later developed agriculture and urban living, sheeple amercalithicus have always lived in large clusters of amorphous suburbs where they allow themselves to be herded and dominated by republicanus neanderthalis. Republicanus neanderthalis, and its related specie, homo imbicilus religicus, are currently the dominant humanoid specie. However, there is a strong likelihood that, based on their current behavior, republicanus neanderthalis and homo imbicilus religicus soon will be raptured into extinction caused by global warming and a rapidly escalating world war for increasingly scarce fossil fuels and other natural resources.

Assuming that humankind endures -- an unlikely, merely theoretical possibility that political anthropologists academically debate -- it is probable that Thinking Man, homo sapiens sapiens, will finally emerge from the shadow of its lesser, non-rational relatives, and assume its role at the top of what remains of the world's biosystems.

Zbignew Zingh can be reached at This Article is CopyLeft, and free to distribute, reprint, repost, sing at a recital, spray paint, scribble in a toilet stall, etc. to your heart’s content, with proper author citation. Find out more about Copyleft and read other great articles at

Other Articles by Zbignew Zingh

* Soviets “R” US
* November Strategy
* New Dogs for the New American Century
* Vive la Difference
* Dennis, We Hardly Knew You
* The 2004 Political All-Star Game
* George Bush, Destroyer of the Faith
* Zbignew's Inferno
* The Statue of Liberty is Missing
* Monuments To The New American Century
* What Are We Trying To Achieve?
* Bush Administration Relents: American Style Elections Promised for Iraq
* E.U. Researchers Publish Findings of Widespread Mad Cow Infection
* The Declassified Ads

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