How to Recognize a Liberal Feminist
by Lila Rajiva
www.dissidentvoice.org
November 3, 2005



 

You can recognize a liberal feminist by her favorite expression, “It’s not fair!”

Said in a tone that implies that everything else is mighty fair. 

You’d never hear a radical feminist say that. Or a conservative feminist (and believe me, there’s such a thing).

Radicals and conservatives know that life isn’t fair . . .  it’s dark. 

Radical and conservative feminists have the same reasons for thinking exactly the opposite things.

Nobody knows what a liberal’s reasons are. Not even a liberal. 

Radicals think women are naturally moral, so they should always do whatever they want.

Conservatives think women are naturally moral, so they should never do whatever they want. Radicals thinks sex is so great, women should have it as much as men; conservatives think it’s so great, neither men nor women should have it.

Liberals don’t have sex. They don’t think it’s fair.

Liberals prefer Hillary to Bill. They think she’s more masculine.

Conservatives prefer Laura Bush to Hillary. They think she’s more feminine.

Radical feminists prefer Dennis Kucinich to Hillary. They think he’s more feminine.

You see, liberal feminists would all rather have been born men. They don’t get why they should take time out to bear children and not be paid to do it.

Conservatives know that having children is so much fun you don’t need to be paid for it.

Radicals know it’s so much fun that men should get to do it too.

The reason why liberal feminists would rather be men is simple. They think men have all the power, and the laws give it to them.

Conservatives think that men have all the power, but God gives it to them.

Radical feminists also think that men have all the power, but they know that women give it to them.

Which is why liberals spend their time arguing the law, conservatives spend their time arguing about God, and radicals spend it arguing with other women.

Lila Rajiva is a free-lance writer in Baltimore and the author of The Language of Empire: Abu Ghraib and the US Media (Monthly Review Press, 2005). She can be reached at: lrajiva@hotmail.com. Copyright (c) 2005 by Lila Rajiva

Other Articles by Lila Rajiva

* License to Bill: In India, Bill Gates Does Well by Doing Good
* The Burgh, Downsizing
* Preview of Abu Ghraib in New Orleans
* Leviathan in the Flood: Katrina and the Fishy Logic of the State
* The NPT is Dead.... And It's a Good Thing Too
* An 800-Pound Gorilla Goes to the UN: John Bolton's New Internationalism
* Vision Mumbai Submerged: Water, Water, Everywhere, Nor Any Drop to Drink
* America's Downing Syndrome, or Why the Not-So-Secret Air War Stayed “Secret”
* Turkey Supreme
* Witches and Bastards: An Imperial Wizard and a Prescription for Anti-Imperialism
* Playing Monopoly in Charm City
* The Pharisee’s Fire Sermon
* The Ideology of American Empire
* Tsunami Cover Up? NOAA and the Flood
* Iraqi Women and Torture, Part IV: Gendered Propaganda, the Propaganda of Gender
* Iraqi Women and Torture, Part III: Violence and Virtual Violence
* Iraqi Women and Torture, Part II: Theater That Educates, News That Propagandizes
* Iraqi Women and Torture, Part I: Rapes and Rumors of Rape
* Nicholas Kristof's Fox Pas(s)
* Putting Conservatives on the Couch: Transactional Analysis and the Torture Apologists
* The New Post-Colonial Racism
* Eyeless in Iraq: The L.A. Times and the Fog of War
 

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