Dearest Dr. Rape
by Kap Fulton

March 4, 2004
First Published in the San Diego Moon

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Imagine if you will, turning on the television and seeing an infomercial for "breast pills." This new miracle cure will help women feel confident about their racks in the hope the miracle pill will add much needed size. The ingenious producers of this infomercial have brought in a male sexuality expert to explain how men love the size of women's mammary glands. The doctor rambles on about all the attention that big boobed women receive.

Plausible? Probably not today in the land of the liberal American who wants to save the whales and kill the terrorists. Many will be surprised to hear that this infomercial IS being broadcast across the great land of liberal Americana. The catch: the doctor is a woman and the mock talk show is advertising for "penis pills."

Dr. Susan Block, the Yale educated sex-guru is your expert for this evening. Block and her much touted doctorate in Philosophy from Yale is well known around progressive circles as somewhat of a rabble rouser. Taking on John Ashcroft is just one of Block's many battles. Recently, Block found herself in the middle of a metaphor induced tizzy when a Turkish newspaper used her as a source claiming American soldiers had raped thousands of Iraqi women. The charges were unfounded.

In fact, in the past Block has waged a decent battle against the neo-cons and all their sexually repressed shortcomings. So I had to wonder why a witty dissident like Block is appearing on an infomercial for penile enlargement pills. Are financial troubles abound for this doctor of lust? Probably not. But, while Dr. Block cashes in on an easy pay day, there are millions of teenage boys across the country who think they don't measure up.

According to the aging blonde doctor, the answer is the much needed penis pill! Without a VCR, I can't offer any of her ridiculous quotes, but let me assure the reader that her performance was well scripted and laughable. And she wants to be taken seriously as a political pundit?

Maybe I'm being too harsh. In all fairness, Block didn't demand a eugenics program wherein all lesser endowed men be deported. In fact, Block did something almost as sinister. She used her title as a "doctor" to explain to little Johnny that he just isn't good enough. Sorry Johnny, you'll never get me! That's the implication. Unless – of course – you drop some cash and buy these pills.

I can hear her now: Have I mentioned that I studied at Yale? Ohhhh, Johnny. Whip out your credit card. Sure, I take debit. Mmmmm, give me your numbers...all sixteen of them. That a boy. Sorry, no CODs.

Fast forward six months when little Johnny's self-treatment has shown no improvement. Johnny is very bitter. A hate for women and lying Yale graduates has developed. What will poor Johnny do? How can this young chap win the heart of all the platinum blondes in America? What's next: Depression? Surgery? Rape?

One thing is for sure, Dr. Block is literally raping millions of men across the nation by using her attractiveness combined with a Yale degree to gouge money from sexually repressed males. Block should be extremely proud of herself. And she calls herself a doctor? Maybe it’s just that philosophy students take a different Hippocratic oath: “Do no Harm…unless you can make a buck.”

Back to victim; let's venture into his past:

Directly after popping out of the womb, sweet little Johnny is covered with a sheet so only his newborn manhood is peeking out through a hole. SLICE! Johnny is raped. The doctor has knifed roughly 33% of Johnny's penis straight off!

The early years are rough for Johnny. His parents are cold. No sexual energy from them.

But then Johnny hits puberty and begins to explore! Except, all he does is stay in his room and masturbate. His parents are concerned that Johnny is not the socialite they had hoped for. Hmmm, sounds like Johnny needs another doctor. "Take these pills and your mood will improve." Johnny is excited. His mood is changing. He's wired! The girls at school think that Johnny is "weird" and -- oh no -- Johnny is still dateless.

"What is the problem?" Johnny wonders. "I know...I need to increase my manhood!"

And, thus, Johnny looks for his sexual magic in a pill. A penis pill.

They say rape is about power. With her sexual energy and long blonde hair Susan is a engaging seductress.

But Dr. Block, YOU are a rapist.

Kap Fulton is editor of the weblog San Diego Moon (http://sandiegomoon.blogspot.com/), where this article first appeared. He can be reached at aka@cts.com.






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