“Human life is a gift from our Creator -- and that gift should never be discarded, devalued or put up for sale.”
-- George W. Bush, 2006 State of the Union
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
The White House
I can’t tell you how relieved I was to hear you speak these words. I’m particularly gratified that you’ll be abolishing wage slavery now that you’ve admitted human beings can’t be put up for sale. Like so many others I’ve really loathed selling myself in the marketplace all these years. Job interviews are the worst. Anyway, once you get that new and improved Emancipation Proclamation in the works I’ll turn in my resignation letter and never prostitute myself for wages again.
In fact, you really should just renounce Free Trade altogether. This may come as a shock to your faithful, but I think you’ll agree that selling labor as a commodity in the marketplace is inherently dehumanizing. After all, we’re not human resources, we’re human beings. Granted, we’ll miss your sense of humor on this topic -- I for one especially enjoyed your call for “greater austerity” when Free Trade ushered in economic collapse in Argentina in 2001 and starving people were forced to loot the supermarkets -- but hey, you can’t have everything.
I guess I can also count on you to pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, end support for Israeli apartheid, and institute free national health care for all, among other policy changes indicated by your newfound appreciation of the preciousness of human life. I always knew you had it in you. So thanks for being you.
Turning to Latin America, have the assassination orders against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez been rescinded yet? I figure political assassination falls under your prohibition against “discarding” human life, so please be sure to let your national security spooks know they’re out of the execution business, O.K.? Bureaucratic logjams being what they are these days, you better get on this right away. We all remember the visa extension sent to a 911 terrorist months after he crashed into the World Trade Center.
Since you’re committed to fighting terrorism to the death I’m sure you’re prepared to end the harboring of Cuban terrorists in this country. How about a bombing raid on “Calle Ocho” in Miami and the residence of Emmanuel Constant in New York City, the latter convicted in absentia for executing thousands of Haitian civilians as the former head of the FRAPH security forces? Of course, that’s just for starters. You should also blow up the School of the Americas in Fort Benning, Georgia (it goes under another name now, but you know the one I mean), which has trained all the key Latin American death squads over the years. That should give us a lot more credibility when we talk about abhorring terrorism.
On the devaluation of human life in general, are you sure you’ve calculated the costs of banning all its forms? This could lead to economic collapse. By rough estimate somewhere between 99.7% and 99.9% of all television content involves wholesale degradation of the human species. If we eliminate this stuff, there could be some embarrassment in paying our bills.
I guess you realize we’re going to have to end apartheid in our school system, too, but hey, you’re the boss, and if you say human life shouldn’t be devalued then we’ll simply have to stop dispatching blacks and Latinos to overwhelmingly underfunded minority schools. I’ll miss chuckling at the incongruity of virtually all-black schools named after Dr. King -- the Apostle of integration -- but don’t worry, I’ll adjust.
I’m afraid I’m a
little confused about your condemnation of radical Islam, especially as it
was just elected to power in Palestine, and you insist democracy is a good
thing. If you ever figure out which side of this issue you’re actually on,
let me know.
Michael K. Smith
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