the hell are you doing Karl? GW's approval ratings have plummeted to 47% and
if the Democrats actually build a coherent opposition (OK, big if ...) you
could be joining millions of other Americans pounding the pavement during
Bush's only term in office. Karl, get serious. Republican-owned voting
machines and Bush Sr.'s handpicked Supreme Court won't be enough to bail out
GW this time around. You need an action plan to guarantee November, and here
it is in ten easy steps:
God a Republican mascot
"mission to Mars" thing was brilliant -- appease the Christian right by
seducing the general public with Star Trek fantasies. Of course no one
expects Bush to actually follow through with any space exploration that
doesn't involve militarizing the heavens, but what better excuse to cut
Hubble funding and avoid proof the earth is older than biblical
interpretations? Brilliant. Now teach GW a few more phrases in Spanish, and
go after abortion rights, gay marriage, and Janet Jackson's boob. God bless
Dick has got to
go. His 20% approval rating is crashing through to negative territory and
even Halliburton calls him a "risk factor." Clandestine meetings with Scalia
and millions in Halliburton stock options have turned Cheney into a
conflict-of-interest poster child, and
those bribery and money laundering allegations brewing against him in France
So Dick's outta
here. He can still control GW from behind the scenes, but get a different
front-man. Vice President Giuliani? Tugs on the 911 heartstrings. Or how
about Schwarzenegger? Arnie's been faithful to big oil companies in
California; he could Terminate the rest of the country too.
3. Go for
whiners complaining that Bush's 2005 budget trashes social services and the
environment; let 'em eat bunker busters. GW's proposed $6.6 billion increase
in weapons spending is just what America needs, and his 200% funding
increase for the "Penetrator" nuclear weapon is right on target. You don't
need diplomatic carrots when you've got the scariest stick.
The "capture of
Saddam" -- what a coup! Distracted Joe Sixpack from nasty 911 questions and
bumped up Bush's numbers at the same time. Who cares if it really is Hussein
or how he was caught? Photos of the mystery prisoner will help Bush next
fall, and face it, even former Secretary of State Madeleine
Albright thinks the administration already has Osama bin Laden. Just
waiting for the most politically helpful time to "find" him ...
Pillage/pull out of Iraq
administration is in deep Shiite in Iraq -- staring down the barrel of civil
war and uncomfortable questions about GW's imaginary stint in the National
Guard. Veterans love Kerry and the whole Jane Fonda photo-op hasn't seemed
to win them back. Karl, tell your boss to cut his Baghdad losses and run.
silence reports about the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority
(CPA) "misplacing" billions in Iraqi funds. That's our business. And
have Bremer hurry up privatizing lucrative Iraqi assets; insist on full
ownership rights for US companies connected to Carlyle, Bechtel and
6. Explode the
So what if the
$127 billion fiscal surplus Bush inherited turned into a $450 billion
deficit? Who hasn't maxed out credit cards before? Sometimes you just have
no choice. Besides, trillions in future shortfalls will disappear as soon as
Medicare is privatized and the government can stop providing basic
healthcare to citizens. East Asia will loan us as many billions as it takes
to keep the dollar from depreciating too quickly, and forget those fools who
warn about being too dependent on China. Once we control Iraq's oil and get
those nukes online we can write our own checks.
7. Mess with
Of course you
remember markets rallied when it looked like Iraq would not be invaded, then
magically rallied a week later at news war was imminent. Weird, huh? But
accusations the Bush administration
smoothed the path to war by propping up crucial Dow Jones equities are
way off base. After all, market rigging is unfair. Sure would be nice if
investors were happy before the election though.
8. Spy on
Katharine Gun thing is so overblown -- if this lady thinks it's OK to expose
US surveillance operations against U.N. Security Council allies, then she's
got another thing coming! Tony should throw her in the slammer. I mean
Republicans in the US Senate Judiciary Committee infiltrated restricted
Democrat communications for over a year until last April, and do you see
anyone in the US media concerned about it?
Security to use the same surveillance tactics on anyone who protests against
Bush. Remember Karl, if they're not with us they're against us and besides,
there's always room at Guantanamo.
9. "A new
Cheney has been
warning "our intelligence shows the terrorists continue plotting to kill on
an ever-larger scale, including here in the United States," yet the Bush
administration has stonewalled the 911 investigation at every step.
This makes sense.
think-tank predicted "some catastrophic and catalyzing event -- like a new
Pearl Harbor" would hasten the Bush administration's Pax Americana vision,
Pentagon advisors have proposed combating terrorism by stimulating
terrorists into making attacks.
In other words
Karl, security is best left to the experts. If anyone asks too many
questions, take names.
10. No more
balls during the recent MSNBC interview didn't help: Bush still looked like
an idiot. Have your boss stick to scripted performances.
There you go Karl
-- ten easy steps to four more years of Bush and democracy as we know it.
God bless America.
is a free-lance writer with a background in clinical psychology. Her work as
been featured in publications and websites internationally. Heather can be
contacted via her website:
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