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"They
Can Make Money in Iraq!"
Good
Ole American Know-how Impresses and Confuses the World
by
Jerre Skog
September
23, 2003
The
trouble with official US policies is not its stated goals. We all can stand
behind those. It's the way it's done and the way it's explained that make
people a bit confused. All these new methods, labels and expressions that
manage to give the observer the wrong impressions. We all love liberation of
oppressed people. We applaud democracy being introduced in a country suffering
under a bloody dictator and we cheer when freedom, prosperity and peace embrace
one more country. What we find so confusing are the new and unconventional
methods developed to reach these aims. Is it the good old American know-how at
work? If so, can someone please, PLEASE, explain how it works!
Take
Iraq. Hmm someone already did! Anyway, think of the example of Iraq! Here the
new, and can we guess rather experimental and untested methods, definitely can
confuse. Liberation and democracy are introduced and enforced, first by
starving the country during 12 years of UN-sanctions, then bombing cities and
infrastructure to rubble, then invading the country, shooting every living
thing thirsty for liberation and democracy for batting an eyelid. Then allowing
the looting of museums, hospitals and private homes and employing former
regime-butchers to police the country and inform on people they don't like or
even people who dare to object to democracy in its new American form, where
leaders are corrupt and bought. Finally, the American way of introducing these
wonderful western values entails appointing a puppet government under wanted
embezzler Ahmed Chalabi, taking its orders from the same US rulers who try to
win the hearts and minds of the liberated people. We are all for democracy and
liberation, but the question is how does the American method work? Is it
something done with mirrors or what?? Many of us less sophisticated thinkers
are still in the old-fashioned mode of believing the less people you bomb and
kill the more can benefit from all the good things you want to give them. Or
could it be that this way they will get liberated funerals and democratic
prayers (as long as the mourners are not shot down during the ceremony, of
course). Like I said, confusing!
As
for freedom, prosperity and peace etc, an extraordinarily inventive genius in
the White House or the Pentagon -- could it be the guy who invented the clever
phrase "collateral damage" -- has come up with a revolutionary idea
to make the new methods infallible: Freedom, prosperity and peace etc are best
reached by selling out the country, cheap, to foreign investors. Then freedom,
prosperity and peace are supposed to reign in Iraq in a not too distant future!
(In ten to twenty years, if we are to believe the liberators.) Amazing! I mean
we hail the goals but we don't understand the means. Give us a clue, fellas??
If we understand, we might write poems praising you or submit plays cheering
your successes (instead of wasting our valuable time writing stuff like this).
One
who obviously thinks selling out his country works, at least for himself, is
the Iraqi "Finance Minister" Kamel Al-Keylani, member of the
quisling-government under the wanted criminal Chalabi. This opportunist
gentleman has announced sweeping new measures to encourage foreign investments
(other than, but not excluding, American, that is) in Iraq. Ordered by the
American owners, the Iraqi puppets now intend to sell out "100% of Iraqi assets”,
meaning everything, including banks, schools, hospitals, museums (and probably
police, former regime-butchers and prisons as well). In short everything that
has the potential of earning money for an investor. Oil and minerals are excluded
of course, these assets are to be "nationalized", as far as we
understand meaning profits going exclusively to US oil companies and
"thank you" bribes going to the puppet regime under Chalabi -- all in
order to, we may surmise, speed up the final goal of freedom, prosperity and
peace. It's not difficult to understand that those who (cheaply) buy Iraqi
assets find a bit of prosperity, but how do Iraqis benefit from this? As I
said, we love you guys, but fill us in. Is it a new economic principle invented
by Milton Friedman or Kenneth Lay?? The unconventional White House methods of
liberation and democracy-enforcement might work, but HOW?
The
announcement about selling Iraq was welcomed (or was it ordered?) by the US
Treasury Secretary John Snow. Iraq is to be sold to the highest bidders, lock,
stock and barrel, most probably at rock bottom prices and as a result the
Iraqis will be prosperous in the future democratic Iraq ruled by a puppet
wanted for fraud to the tune of some hundreds of millions. It's brilliant!! Who
could imagine that? You make them rich by stealing what they have! I mean WOW!
Why has nobody explained that to Alan Greenspan? (Later US companies can always
buy back the lucrative enterprises at favorable rates, subsidized by the
greenback printing of the Federal Reserve, so maybe Greenspan WAS in on it from
the beginning.)
According
to the BBC, a senior American official tried to make the bait tasty by saying
"... they can make money in Iraq...". Now hold it a sec! "THEY
CAN MAKE MONEY IN IRAQ!!!" (meaning the investors). This is getting real
weird. "They can make money in Iraq!" Wasn't the object of the
illegal aggression and brilliant scheme to liberate, introduce democracy,
freedom, prosperity and peace and those other nice things we all love so much?
(Oh, yeah, there was something about weapons of mass destruction, come to think
of it, but as nobody in the liberating country has said a word about those WMD
for half a year, one tends to forget them.) Has there been a cock-up somewhere?
Hasn't a senior American official been told that those hundreds of billions the
American taxpayers spent on the quagmire are supposed to make the IRAQIS
prosperous and democratic (etc, etc, etc)? It wasn't foreign investors who were
supposed to benefit, was it? Or is it sub-plan 7c at work here, with something
like collateral benefits for the coalition' willing puppets?
Whatever!
We who love real democracy expect to see the ignorant senior official called
back and informed, sternly, about the stated objectives, democracy and freedom
etc for Iraq. It wouldn't hurt to whisper a few words to Cheney, Rumsfeld and
Wolfowitzzzzz either, those fellas are contradicting themselves so much these
days that it might be counterproductive to the new type of democracy-enforcing
methods!
I
guess one day all will be revealed to us and we will admire, in all its daring,
inventive and brilliant dazzle the American way of liberating and introducing
prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc). Before that time, however, it might
be clever to extend explanations to the people that are the guinea pig in the
experiment. As far as can be seen, many in Iraq are completely in the dark
about America's real objectives. Iraqis in general are no more informed, clever
or sophisticated than Americans (they have the excuse, however, that they had
their dictator forced on them while Americans almost voluntarily elected their
president), and as long as the Iraqis misunderstand the goodness of the American
occupation, they might object violently to it. The new methods used are so very
American in their sophisticated complexity and straightforward execution, where
the end justifies the means, that we have to understand and pardon those
misguided enough to blow up an American convoy now and then. A good way to
inform and explain to ignorant Iraqis is to plant a little American flag, with
attached explanation of the ingenious methods in liberating and introducing
prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc), beside every dead Iraqi who just
happened to be in the neighborhood when the Americans were at their most
dedicated in their liberative efforts and democratic zeal. With the number of
civilian Iraqis being killed, this PR stunt ought to spread the word quickly.
Once
Iraqis can be made to understand that:
Bombing
their country,
Firing
into crowds indiscriminately killing Iraqi men, women and children,
Humiliating
citizens,
Denying
them security, electricity and clean water,
Importing
exiles of questionable repute to rule their country under a foreign power,
Selling
out their country's assets to the highest bidders and
Stealing
their valuable oil under the label export,
is
all part of a grand and ingenious plan in order to liberate Iraq and introduce
prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc), the country will accept the clever
but unorthodox way America has of ensuring this noble end. Freedom, democracy
(etc, etc) and nothing else are the American objectives in Iraq!! Those finding
it difficult to grasp the new ideas are advised to enroll in the American
training centre for educating stubborn locals at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. As added
benefits, new recruits will be issued with cute orange overalls and subsidized Coca-Cola!
Talking
about setting the Iraqis straight, here is a suggestion that will ensure a more
efficient execution of the new methods for getting freedom, democracy etc, etc
to Iraq. We all can see that every American and British soldier killed or
wounded is carefully noted and the numbers added, recorded and published (not
to mention the dignified grieving with caskets covered by the national flag at
the burial-site), while the number of Iraqis who happen to lose their lives in
the crossfire of the democracy-freedom push is ignored - perhaps the high
number of Iraqis killed makes the task of keeping count too difficult. Be that
as it may, but some suspicious Iraqis just MAY deduct from this practice that
the democracy-enforcers value their own lives much higher than those of the
people they are there to liberate!? This, of course, is not correct and to
avoid conveying the wrong impression we recommend that the number of killed
Iraqis be published in the future. It doesn't have to be correct, of course,
the main point is to show concern and who can figure out if those limbs found
after a F-16 attack belong to one or five persons? Just pick some numbers out
of a hat and then say you're "sorry, but they died for the sake of freedom
and democracy etc, etc!"
That
the Afghanistan adventure failed, btw, in spite of applying many of the same
methods in use in Iraq and installing a puppet regime just like in Iraq, can be
explained away by the methods at the time not being fully understood by the
troops there to apply them. Other factors could also invalidate the theories
behind the sophisticated methods for introducing democracy, freedom, prosperity
and peace. Is it possible that the geographical conditions in mountainous areas
could demand refinements or alterations?? Further data will show? And to be
fair, "democratic" Afghanistan is not a complete failure. Latest
figures published by the BBC indicate economic growth of a staggering 30%,
opium sales responsible for only 76% of the economy, to compare with the measly
12% of the economy that opium stood for under those nasty Taliban. And rape,
robbery and murder in certain parts of Kabul (inside Karzai's offices for
instance) will soon be almost as low as it was under the evildoers!
Once
the Iraqis are persuaded to understand that America does the things it does
purely as an unselfish benefactor, all misguided resistance will cease. The
rest of us, too, wait anxiously for an explanation of the revolutionary new way
of introducing you-know-what. Wow, “those clever Americans have done it again”
will be the probable reaction worldwide. Should we all apply for a bit of help
to receive a bit of liberation and the introduction prosperity and democracy
(etc, etc, etc)? If the ideas really function it might be a great hit
business-wise and patent rights could be traded, including options, options on
options and futures on options on options!
We'll
have to wait, however. It is very probable that the cunning American methods
need further testing and refinement. A good guess is that after introducing
democracy, freedom etc, etc in this way in Iran, North Korea, Syria, Libya, the
application and execution will be flawless by the troops and the principles
will be fully understood even by the inventors of the new methods.
So
far we are not amused, but rather worried! Suppose the ingenious methods fail,
American though they are?
Jerre Skog is a Swedish
writer, musician and independent observer living in Germany. His writings,
politics and satire, can be found on www.skog.de
and comments are welcome at jerre@skog.de
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