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If
Famous Journalists Became Honest Rappers
by
Norman Solomon
August
22, 2003
The
“Bulworth” movie -- with Warren Beatty playing a senator who begins to speak
disturbing truths in the form of rap lyrics -- caused quite a stir when it came
out five years ago. At the time, I wondered aloud in a
column
about what might happen if leading journalists followed that fictional example.
I’m
biased, but it seems to me that some of my lyrics have stood the test of time.
For instance:
DAN
RATHER: “I like to tell the public how it pains me so -- to be more superficial
and keep racking up the dough.”
COKIE
ROBERTS: “Born and bred in the pundit patch, I utter easy notions with great
dispatch. Every spectrum has a center, every player has a price. If you want to
stick my neck out, I have to say no dice.”
BRIT
HUME: “I love to tell you all the news on Fox TV. My boss man Rupert Murdoch is
cool as he can be. He pays me piles of money for tilting to the right. And if
you sound progressive, you’ll really get a fight.”
MARK
SHIELDS, AL HUNT, ROBERT NOVAK and MARGARET CARLSON: “We’re on the show each
week, but the jokes are not so funny. CNN dubbed us ‘The Capital Gang’ -- but
that name refers to money.”
JOHN
STOSSEL: “As an ABC reporter, I’ve got lots of clout. Greed is full of virtues,
I have no doubt. Evangelist for deregulation, that's my calling -- I laugh when
all those losers scream and then start bawling.”
TOM
BROKAW: “I can tell a story real quick. Gets so simplistic it might make you
sick. On the tube, footage trumps a thousand words. General Electric owns NBC,
and I'm running with the herds.”
TED
KOPPEL: “Reporting from Washington for ABC News, I surely know that even power
brokers get the blues. I am proud to call Henry Kissinger my friend. We like
the Ten Commandments, but number six we must amend.”
GEORGE
WILL: “To this deplorable level I will not descend. To be so rhythmic while a
rhymester -- may heaven forfend! We are elite guardians of fine European
values. How dare people drag us down pathological avenues?”
But
I don’t want to rest on my media hip-hop laurels. So, here are new rap lyrics
for some journalistic stars of 2003:
JUDITH
MILLER: “You could call me a reporter who’s an angel of death -- and I do bear
grim resemblance to Lady MacBeth. The New York Times let me spin ’bout WMDs.
Got lots of front-page ink, Iraq is on its knees.”
BILL
O’REILLY: “I huff and I puff and I blow my guests away. I control the
microphones, who cares what they say?”
THOMAS
FRIEDMAN: “I sure respect the Arabs, they could become like us. The peace
process need not be such a bloody fuss. Global trade is the key to make our
planet well; let’s globalize the corporate state -- in heaven we can dwell.”
But
why just focus on individuals when the most significant media “rappers” are
institutions? For example:
FOX
NEWS: “They call us conservative, and that’s kinda funny. What we believe in
most is our power and our money.”
MSNBC:
“How craven can we get? Well let’s find out! If we can sink lower, then kindly
give a shout. Star-spangled pander is our latest gambit. We found the flame of
right-wing junk, and now we’re gonna fan it.”
USA
TODAY: “We’re in a world of color, with lots to see and buy. Sweet brevity
helps us keep Gannett profits high.”
THE
WALL STREET JOURNAL: “Schizoid to a fault, that’s what makes us tacky -- news
coverage fine, editorials wacky.”
NPR
NEWS: “Our stories are getting shorter and shorter, to the despair of many a
reporter. And all that spin from Washington can be kind of rough, especially
surrounded by so much (bleep) fluff.”
Norman Solomon is Executive
Director of the Institute for Public Accuracy (www.accuracy.org) and a syndicated
columnist. His latest book is Target Iraq: What the News Media Didn’t Tell
You (Context Books, 2003) with Reese Erlich. For an excerpt and other
information, go to: www.contextbooks.com/new.html#target. Email: mediabeat@igc.org
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