that NBC has shlocked shock jock Don Imus, I can think of a number of
great job opportunities for this trash-talking
racist/sexist/anti-Semitic S.O.B. Here are the jobs I think
Imus would be great for from best to worst:
1.) Join the Army, be part of Bush's
doomed surge. The Army recently
raised its maximum age for new recruits to 42 in a
desperate attempt to fill the boots headed to Iraq, but it won't be
long before they get up to Imus' age of 67. There are
Vietnam veterans fighting in Iraq who are over 50, so I
don't see any reason why we can't send a guy who called
Palestinians "stinking animals," referred to Iraqis as "ragheads,"
and praised Republican presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani for
being willing to use
nuclear weapons on Mecca and other cities in Saudi Arabia.
He can take the rest of the tough-talking arm-chair generals who
support the surge with him, like John McCain and William Kristol. I
don't think overpopulation is a problem, but if you do, this would be
a great way to start tackling it.
The Green Zone needs security guards. OK, so maybe it's a
little unrealistic to expect 67 year old Don Imus to lug
60-95 pounds of gear into an all-out firefight in the
streets of Baghdad. But Iraq is the land of opportunity! There are
PLENTY of jobs that need to be filled since a
staggering 2 million Iraqis (8 percent of the population)
have fled freedom's march which began in March of 2003! I see older
men and women hard up for money working at airports in the U.S.
checking bags, screening passengers, operating X-ray machines, so why
not in Iraq? Since Iraqi forces were in charge of security at Iraq's
parliament building and it
appears that the latest bombing was an inside job, it's
clear that we need reliable red-blooded patriotic freedom-loving
gung-ho Americans to show the natives how the job is done!
Bush needs a "War Czar." Sure, pushing pencils in
Washington is nothing compared to engaging in
rape and murder of Iraqis, but everyone's got to do their
part, right? I guess if we can't find Imus any spots in the Army or in
private security firms, we could give him a job where he'll
have to walk a political minefield instead of a real one. Bush
is looking for a
professional fall guy, or "War Czar," as its known in
Rove-speak. So far, 3 generals have turned down the job, which would
basically mean assuming responsibility for running the wars in
Afghanistan and Iraq. All quagmires, all the time, 24 hours a day, 7
days a week, 12 months a year, for however many years it takes until
"victory." Or until Bush leaves office in January 2009 and the next
President fires you for losing the wars, whichever comes first.
Obviously, who ever thought up this idea is no history buff -- Vietnam
part II (Afghanistan)
and part III (Iraq) won't end any differently from the original, and
the last time a Czar was in charge of a war it ended with
workers and peasants overthrowing capitalism and establishing
Soviet power. Something tells me that's what Bush has in mind
when he says "victory."
There may be an opening at the World Bank. Sure, Paul
Wolfowitz isn't fired yet, but I have a feeling getting your mistress
(he's still married by the way, for all you pro-war family value nuts
out there) a $30,000+ raise and then claiming the ethics committee
approved it when it didn't may be the straw that broke the camel's
back for this neo-con of neo-cons. The bank's staff association has
called on him to do "the honorable thing" and resign. Wolfowitz has
given his reply: he will do no honorable thing so long as he lives,
and intends to keep his job impoverishing
and exploiting Third World nations on behalf of American capitalists.
Imus would be a much better candidate than Wolfowitz because Imus'
wife already has a job elsewhere, and while
supporting an unwinnable war this late in the game makes you look like
an idiot, inventing it makes you look even worse. It's too bad
Wolfowitz will never have to look for a REAL job like the rest of us
because he'd never get one with the words "Iraq war" on his résumé
listed as one his personal accomplishments .
is an activist and recent graduate of Hunter College in NYC. His
articles have been published at Asia Times Online, Dissent
Voice, MRZine, and ZNet. He edits
Traveling Soldier, a newsletter for anti-war
military personnel. His blog is
prisonerofstarvation.blogspot.com, and he can be reached
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