The Real Reel News

(as of January something, 2013)

Lance Armstrong admitted to Oprah (who is not gay) that he doped a whole lot of Algerians  into taking Western hostages at an oilfield in Algeria because France had bombed and killed 100 people in Mali who had balked because they really did not like the government the West had installed.  Dogged Leon Panetta insisted that the terrorists would pay dearly after he made them an offer they could not refuse.  Hillary Clinton, recently recovered from a concussion and too much bean soup, said she fully supported France’s God-given right to bomb anyone they wanted because France was a democracy, just like us!  She noted that she would eventually deliver herself before the committee investigating the Benghazi terrorist attack that killed our ambassador (who was gay) and that she thought it was a shame that that football player at Notre Dame had been “catfished” into thinking that a non-existent girl whom he believed to be the love of his life and whom he had claimed had died of leukemia… well, at that point she fell down again and bumped her head and couldn’t remember.

Meantime, President Obama called for a ban on assault weapons and magazine clips of more than 30 bullets, but gave hundreds of millions of tax-payer dollars to Hollywood to make disgustingly violent movies like any one of Quentin Tarrantino’s, which some people at Fox News called hypocritical until it was pointed out that Tarrantino and everyone like him is merely exercising their constitutional right to make as much money as possible through exploiting the very worst instincts and fears in the general public.

House Speaker John Boehner said it was great that the nation had avoided the Fiscal Cliff, but we ain’t seen nothin’ yet cause Raising the Debt Ceiling would really separate the men from the panzies, and the Republicans would stand their ground with Trayvon Martin and not let Socialism rear its ugly head on the Arizona border with Mexico—or anywhere else for that matter!

A sheriff in Oregon feistily stated that he would not enforce any gun proposals coming from Obama because he had decided they were “unconstitutional” and Alex Jones had told Piers Morgan that 1776 would commence again if the Government “revenoo-ers” came after his whisky or his guns.

(At which point there was a run on whisky and guns and the price of gasoline skyrocketed as consumers prepped for a meteor that was bound to hit us within the next thousand years and a super-volcano that could blow its top any moment.)

Squeezing a word in edge-wise, Piers Morgan replied with aplomb that he had enough trouble dealing with Rupert Murdoch in Britain and that nobody had better taste or insight than he did and he was therefore the perfect person to host America’s Got Talent or American Idol—or anything else for that matter!

School kids all across America went back to school talking about Newtown, Connecticut for about a day and a half before getting serious about prepping for the upcoming tests which would separate the managerial class from the wage-slaves and future drop-outs and convicts.  A teacher in Anywhereville who brought Socrates into the classroom to question and challenge students’ basic assumptions, was handed two glasses of hemlock—one for her and one for Socrates, both sweetened with aspartame.

It got super-cold in Los Angeles and super-warm in Atlanta and everyone said the weather was mixed-up, and one or two newscasters made some cracks about Global Warming which someone said was now called Global Climate Change and everyone laughed at how quickly people forget, but no one would ever forget what O.J. Simpson had done to what’s-her-name and her “friend” and everyone winked and giggled nervously.

Someone said that the War was finally over in Iraq and someone asked where was Iraq anyway, and someone else said it was near Iran which wanted to wipe Israel off the map.  Someone else wondered why we had ever gone to war because Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, but Madeleine Allbright had told Leslie Stahl that taking medicine away from half a million Iraqi kids and letting them die was “worth it,” so it must be so.

Gary Corseri's work has appeared at Dissident Voice, Common Dreams, CounterPunch, the New York Times, Village Voice and hundreds of other venues. His dramas have been produced on PBS-Atlanta and he has performed his work at the Carter Presidential Library and Museum. His books include novels and poetry collections. He can be reached at: gary_corseri@comcast.net. Read other articles by Gary.