I was ordered by my President to assassinate Arne Duncan! It has been a state secret, up until now.
I can’t give any details of the exchange (for my house with my wife and my pets might be droned), but President Obama communicated to me directly that his presidency is in danger because even to most Americans, it’s becoming obvious that his treacherous plans to dumb down our students and make them easily susceptible to mindless corporate propaganda is under attack. Apparently, the loss of the mayoral race in DC awhile ago has shaken our president to his boots. With Fenty gone, so went uber-educator Rhee. The people have spoken and Obama is in need of a scapegoat. Going after teachers and their unions is his normal procedure but ordering a hit on every teacher who received a poor evaluation due in part to the poverty level of their students would have been messy. Sidwell Friends might have been a victim of collateral damage and his children are far more precious than DC’s other children, and even selective targeting isn’t always 100% accurate. Therefore, a change in figurehead is needed and Mr. Duncan has got to go.
The Obama administration must be saved. He offered hope. Nobody’s done that before. He’s offered something more than what his predecessors have offered and what his rivals want: open corporate allegiance and obeisance. But Duncan made the drastic mistake of enthusiastically carrying out the president’s agenda and as a nation, when we make a promise to back someone, it’s as good as gold, or until it proves embarrassing or politically impractical. Now with Occupy the Department of Education planned for March 30 just around the corner, things are coming to a head.
The terrorist leaders at the Department of Education hate what America stands for. They hate our individualism. They hate our creative thinking. They hate every red-blooded American Norma Rae and are threatening our very standing in the world. Our widgets (I mean students) used to be the best in the world. Now they’re outsourced.
These terrorists, led by Duncan, have murderous machines at their disposal; the spreadsheet, calculators, and deep pockets from Gates and friends. They see each American child as a unit to be molded by their way of thinking and for the corporate bottom line. The president likes all that but he can’t show it. He’s on our side, remember?
But like the drones they are, the bureaucrats at DOE only do what they are directed to do. If they’re told their mission is to leave no child’s behind left untested for God, Country and Pearson, they’ll do it. But their leader must go because he’s stuck in a new age of pedagogical thinking that is completely imaginary, supported by this administration; but the people are waking up.
When the President calls on you, how can you say no? It’s your obligation and responsibility as a patri-idiotic American. But there comes a time when even a calling from higher up has us questioning the moral value (or is it ‘value added’?) of the order. And it was for this reason, as well as not given clear directions as to how to do it, (and Mossad wasn’t going to assist in this particular assassination) I’ve decided I had better go public, hold on to my tenured position, and cover my ass.