Straight Arrow is proud to announce the revolutionary transformation of airline passenger service. Thanks to advanced technology, we have dramatically reduced the costs and improved the safety of air travel. Flying will never be the same. And for that we can all be grateful!
According to national statistics, more than 75 percent of all aviation accidents occur as a result of pilot error. But at Straight Arrow, pilot error is a thing of the past. Using innovative advances developed and now routinely deployed by the United States government, Straight Arrow exclusively operates our brand-new fleet of unmanned aerial vehicles.
Incomprehensible announcements from the flight deck (making you question the pilot ‘s sobriety or competence) need never bother you again!
With the elimination of cockpit personnel, Straight Arrow also avoids potentially costly and disruptive wage disputes and strike actions. And we pass these savings directly on to you, the air travel consumer. You can fly to all your favorite destinations at a fraction of the usual cost. Over the counter tranquilizers are also provided free of charge to all Straight Arrow clients by our state-of-the-art robotic cabin attendants.
At these prices even ET can “drone home” without costing an arm or an antenna.
So welcome aboard, Straight Arrow!*
*(Offer not valid for flights near and during large Afghani wedding festivities, when these aircraft inexplicably divert to “engage” them.)