Back in the days when our Original Founding Fathers — rugged, hard-working, self-reliant men like Charlemagne, Sweyne Forkbeard, and Basel the Bulgar-Slayer — created the system under which we thrive and prosper today — namely, feudalism — armies were, by and large, in private hand where they belonged. In those days, the merest suggestion that a nationalized army was under consideration by some illegitimate, foreign-born blackamoor prince or other was enough to send our gallant, free-enterprising forebears scuttling back to their moat-girded castles for the billhooks, maces, broadswords, and war hammers guaranteed them under the Second Amendment to Erik Bloodaxe’s Rules of Civilized Mayhem. They understood (even if we have forgotten) the dangers inherent in allowing a government — any government — to limit the size and scope of a man’s legitimately constituted private retinue of armed retainers. The essential question was then (as it remains today): How can a man consider himself truly free if his government can constrain him from exercising his God-given right to use lethal force in imposing his will on his neighbors?
Needless to say, if our current “Pretender in Chief” and his socialist allies in Congress succeed in forcing through a government takeover of the military in this country, there is bound to come a day in the not-too-distant future when our grandchildren ask us in a plaintive voice, “Grampa, what was it like when you were young and legal questions were settled through manly tests of mortal combat unencumbered by meddlesome government interference?” I, for one, will not have the heart to answer that question. What about you?
And what about the so-called “public military option”? According to the independent research group ITTTTI (In The Tank Think Tank Inc), this is nothing less than the first step toward driving honest contractors like Xe/Blackwater and Wackenhut right out of business. And this at a time when an overwhelming majority of Iraqis and Afghanis say they are satisfied with the occupation forces they currently have and don’t wish to add another layer of wasteful and expensive armed bureaucrats on top of it.
But it’s not just the army that President Obama wants to nationalize. He also has plans to create a government-run navy. That’s right folks, he wants to undo three centuries of Profitable Privateering on the High Seas by innovative small business entrepreneurs like venture capitalist Henry Morgan of J.P. Morgan Chase and currency trader William Kidd of the investment firm Kidd “R” Us , in favor of a centralized fleet on the British model. And just in case you think that’s a good idea, I refer you to Sean Hannity’s exclusive on-air phone interview with a caller who identified himself only as 245-year-old mutineer Fletcher Christian of Pitcairn Island. He has precious little good to say about the Royal Navy, I can tell you.
Now we can take all this lying down, of course, or we can all rise up together and be miscounted! Join us in Boston at noon on September 31, 2009 for the Million Man Midnight Ride of Paul Revere, followed by the Million Man Boston Massacre. All you have to do is download any of the prefabricated slogans from our FOX News website, customize the spelling till your heart’s content, and paint it on your T-shirt with a ketchup-dipped freedom fry while standing in front of a mirror so you’re sure to get it right. Then drive to Boston with your car windows down yelling, “The Red States are coming! The Red States are coming!”
The other 1.7 million of us will be waiting for you inside the Old North Church.
And remember, the folks back home is a’ counting on ya…