Ballad of Bailout Bill

On a bipartisan ship
Sailed our hero, Bailout Bill
To his trillion dollar bailout
Up on Capitol Hill
Somber Senators and Congressmen
And Wall Streets titans of finance
Had gathered there to tear their hair
And do their bailout dance

“If you don’t give us trillions”
The CEOs began to squeak
“It’ll cost you zillions
The market’s gonna freak!”
Then those hungry eyes all turned to Bill
To question his intent
Was Bill a friend to billionaires?
Or from some demon sent?

But if ever there was question
Bill soon left there be no doubt
The first words that he spoke
Made them jump for joy and shout
Though there never was much question
The whole thing became a rout
When right away he told them
“Boys, we’re gonna bail you out!”

Then he said “I came here thinking bailout
Cause I’ve got bailout on my mind
And we want to do this bailout
Before bailout gets defined
And then we’re gonna bail out
Go sip champagne and wine
We won’t be here when they find out
Bailout Bill just robbed ‘em blind!”

And Bailout Bill became their Savior
His blessed words did soothe their souls
When he said “I’ll never leave you Wall Street boys
Outside in the cold
You boys are not some average Joes
You’re in a different class
It just won’t do if boys like you
Fall down on your ass”

“Cause when you reach a certain size
(Much bigger than a whale)
If we let you fall you crush us all
‘Cause you’re too big to fail
Yes, you’re all much too big to fail”
Bill told each giant firm
“So here’s a great big pile of Federal cash
For all of you to burn”

(Chorus unison “Here’s a great big stash of federal cash
for all of you to burn”)

“Let me tell you about free markets” Bill said
“Freedom isn’t free
Because failure’s not on option
For great big men like you and me
So my bi-partisan shipmates and I
Implore you: do not fret
As sure as my name’s Bailout Bill
We’ll socialize your debt!”

And as Bill stood there before them
Those titans on the Hill
It warmed their hearts (and private parts)
As only bailouts will
Said Bill “I’ve got one more thing
To say before I go
This is Bailout Bill from Capitol Hill
And it’s the Billionaire Bailout Show!”

(Chorus unison “Bailout Bill will be back next week
For the Billionaire Bailout Show!”)

Paul Dean is a composer and bassist with the band Blusion, whose music is described as "a remarkably unmarketable blend of jazz, funk, hip-hop, blues, salsa, rock, vocal and instrumental music." Blusion exists "to serve as a warning to all those who would perhaps otherwise be tempted to attempt something new and different. We starve so that others may live." Paul can be reached at: Read other articles by Paul, or visit Paul's website.

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  1. Don Hawkins said on December 24th, 2008 at 9:24am #

    Merrrrrrrry Christmas Paul.